The Mets are ladened in Grimace. Oozing from their pores is that giant purple nutsack’s charisma. They have imbibed the Grimace Shake and are juiced to the gills. With that said, I was really impressed by DJ Herz. He dazzled up my goggles like a sweaty Kurt Rambis in a sauna. There’s only two starters in history — or should I say Herztory? — that have two 10-K, no walk games in their first six career outings. Both are Nats. One is Stephen Strasburg and one was DJ Herz (5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 hits, 10 Ks, ERA at 4.67). Herz is Him, as the kids say. Ya know one thing the kids don’t say? “As the kids say.” Only 18 starters total in Herztory have had two 10-K games in their first six. Rookie strikeout leaders since June? Skenes with 40, Herz with 37. His change is butter without the toast. His 93 MPH fastball might not overwhelm, but it does with his command. The Nats are making mountains of molehills with their starters, and Herz feels like another one. Do I trust him in all matchups? No, but he’s got my attention, and I don’t see how you can’t at least give him a whirl for his next start vs. the Cards, because if he does this again, he’ll be long gone and the rest will be Herztory. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Josiah Gray – Felt elbow pain. He hadn’t felt that elbow pain since April, and, as wild as this is going to sound, it didn’t magically go away.
Pete Alonso – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 18h homer, hitting .247. Albombso!
Francisco Lindor – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 14th homer, hitting .249. Weird, Lindor Haters have become super quiet (and have morphed into JRod Haters).
Sean Manaea – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.67. I’d say Streamonator, but right now I’m looking at Luis Gil and Jose Berrios getting goosed to Hell and wondering why I’m streaming Manaea and not rostering Manaea.
Julio Rodriguez – 0-for-4 as he was lowered to the 7-hole. Finally, he can homer again, then get moved back up, then get lowered again in 50 games and homer again.
George Kirby – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.32. vs. Grayson Rodriguez – 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.45. Elias Sports Bureau said this was the 1st time two starters went 6 1/3 IP in a game since 1786. I think they might be making these up.
Jose Berrios – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.63. This guy’s been brutal to roster over the last two months. Jose Brutalios. Is that something? Meh, I’m not sure he’s even something at this point.
George Springer – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 9th homer. Thinking about if only JRod had Springer’s power and sobbing, softly.
Spencer Horwitz – 1-for-4 and his 3rd homer, hitting .306. His thang is more average over power, but he’s been doing his thang. Sorry, about the ‘thang.’ This Magic Eight Ball from the Lizzo collection said I was 100% that bitch.
Isiah Kiner-Falefa – Hit the IL with a knee sprain. Here was you on Sunday before FAAB, “I know this is stupid, but I am going to claim IKF. Lord help me.” You today, “Thanks, Lord. That’s sarcastic, by the way!”
Yordan Alvarez – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 18th homer, and 2nd homer in two games. 22 more!
Luis Gil – 4 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 3.41. Watching the regression here is so painful. Just shut him down and let him come back in a month. Call up the Dodgers, they’ll give you a fake injury for him. “Umm…left shoulder soiréeness.” “He throws with his right arm…and did you say soiréeness?”
Aaron Judge – 3-for-4, 2 runs and his 32nd homer, hitting .321. Bonds who?! Arguably the greatest home run hitter of all time. I know, Random Italicized Voice. It’s a figure of speech. ‘Bonds who’ is a figure of speech?
Graham Ashcraft – 5 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 5.45. A guy who has pitched awful all year with a 5+ ERA goes into Yankee Stadium and gets the win. Go home, baseball, you’re drunk.
Elly De La Cruz – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 15th homer, hitting .254. He’s 15/40. On July 2nd. You would’ve taken that from Corbin Carroll for the season. (I still would, if he’s listening. Does Corbin still play baseball?)
Will Benson – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer. Benson is platooning with Martini, which sounds like the back story for Dick Whitman.
Michael Mercado – 5 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks in his 1st major league start. He wasn’t even really a starter in the minors and Taijuan will return shortly. Guess I’m saying if you’re at the Mercado, you shouldn’t buy a starter.
Trea Turner – 3-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 4th and 5th homer, hitting .338. Good Treat Urner! You get two biscuits!
Jeff Hoffman – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 1.24, and his 7th save. Alvarado hasn’t had a save since June 11th. Don’t hassle the Hoff!
Seiya Suzuki – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 11th homer, 3rd homer in a week. Seiya ball!
Dylan Cease – 3 2/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.24. He’s so Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. It’s like, “I really like your Ks, they’re very sexy. What’s the matter? Why was I five minutes late? Why are you keying my car? Oh no! Stop! Please!”
Nathan Eovaldi – 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.15. He’s the AL’s version of Sonny Gray. No one ever wants to draft him. Every year he’s around a 3.50 ERA and 1.15-ish WHIP. People never want that in their drafts and always want that as soon as the season starts.
Nathaniel Lowe – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 5th and 6th homer, hitting .269. Doing what comes Nathanielly.
Casey Mize – Sounds headed to the IL. Bummer, I enjoyed starting him in good matchups and watching him do awful.
Jack Flaherty – Start pushed back after receiving a back injection. If the doctor’s office was warm, it was a hot back injection. An HBI. I’ll move on now.
Ryan Kreidler – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. He’s hitting .147. Tigers’ shortstop position is polluted like Pfeiffer’s womb in Scarface.
Justyn-Henry Malloy – 2-for-4 and his 4th homer, and 2nd homer in two games. Hot schmotato alert!
Royce Lewis – Left with groin tightness. From the Twins’ beat writer, “Royce Lewis said he’s not optimistic. But this needs to be taken with a grain of salt. He’s not feeling that way because he’s worried about this being a devastating, long-term injury. Instead, this is concern about if the Twins will place him on the injured list.” He sounds so powerless. Like what even? Anyway, might be smart to stash Brooks Lee just in case.
Simeon Woods Richardson – 5 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.52. Look at his ERA again. Now look at the ERA for the worst starter on your fantasy team.
Carlos Correa – 1-for-4 and his 10th homer, hitting .310. Given Correa a lot of crap through the years because he was overrated for fantasy, but I think he’s finally underrated.
Manuel Margot – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 3rd homer, 2nd homer in a week, and hitting near-.310 in the last month plus two days. See how I did that? Using the calendar like a baller!
Daniel Schneemann – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer, hitting .262, out of the two-hole. I’m pretty sure Daniel Scheemann could be hitting .500 with 60 homers and no one would pick him up because his name is Daniel Scheemann.
Luis Robert Jr. – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and a slam (10 and legs (4), and his 2nd homer in three games, and 3rd in five games. LouBob is hot, so: One Love, but he’s hitting .215? I’m sorry: How?
Andrew Vaughn – 1-for-4 and his 11th homer, hitting .244, 2nd homer in two games. Clearly, he’s been a schmotato for a few weeks now. He’s also on pace for a 20-homer season with 65 runs/75 RBIs.
Heliot Ramos – 2-for-4 and a slam (11) and legs (2), hitting .298. Ugh, I hate when I overthink shizz, and I pulled Ramos from one of my lineups because he felt like he was cooling. Stupid unforced errors.
LaMonte Wade Jr. – 1-for-4 and his 3rd homer. His OBP is .459. LolMonte.
Jorge Soler – 1-for-5 and his 10th homer. He’s so overdue for a 8+ homer month and a huge 2nd half. I am speaking it into existence. Why not speak into existence something like “Become rich?” I don’t know, tee bee aitch. Can I speak more things into existence? Do I have a limit? Hello? Why are you walking away?
Hayden Birdsong – 5 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.66. Went over Birdsong on the podcast this week. I’m Lil Intrigued, which sounds like the worst professional wrestler name.
Reynaldo Lopez – 4 1/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 1.83. Please stave off regression. I am losing my gorgeous hair over here with all my starters’ regression. I can’t take one more.
Austin Riley – 1-for-4 and his 10th homer. This guy is putting together a boring season for Josh Bell. Call him Justin Belly. Actually, don’t. That’s awful.
Sean Murphy – 1-for-4 and his 4th homer, hitting .218. It’s hard to remember why we liked all the Braves hitters. They were good in March, right? I didn’t imagine that, did I?
Brenton Doyle – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer, and 3rd homer in two games. Would you trade Doyle for JRod or nah?
Brent Rooker – 1-for-3 and a slam (16) and legs (3), hitting .261. This is neither here nor there but Rooker has some of the best peripherals for a guy who’s pretty attainable in a trade or off waivers.
Mitch Spence – 5 1/3 IP, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.15. Something weirdly appropriate about Mi-Spence pitching for the soon to be defunct Oakland A’s.
Bobby Miller – 5 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 6.12. Not to be a total idiot, but he seemed so close to fixing himself. Can’t he please fix himself? Can someone play I’ll Fix You for him and fix him? Something? Please.
Shohei Ohtani – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 27th homer. Not to make an allusion to a bet in Ohtani’s blurb or anything, but who do you have to hit more homers this year? Judge or Ohtani?
Jordan Montgomery – Hit the IL with “is there a way to backdate this to before he signed with the DBacks?”
Christian Walker – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 18th homer. Onward Christian Walker!
Paul Sewald – 2/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 1.56. They thought they were beating the Dodgers. Mmkay.
Joc Pederson – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 11th homer, hitting .286. That was in Dodger Stadium, his old stomping grounds, which is also the most overused name for a coffee shop. Choose anything else!
Zack Littell – 5 IP, 0 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.94. Out after 68 pitches, because of a long rain delay. Prolly would’ve easily cruised through 9 innings and made me more regretful for benching him.
Mitch Keller – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.48. I see, I see, so April and July Keller is diablo, but in May and June Keller sees no evil.
Andrew McCutchen – 1-for-4 and his 12th homer. McClutchin’ His Knee has stayed relatively healthy this year. Dot dot dot. And? [shrugs] That’s it. Lowercase yay.
Jack Suwinski – 3-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 7th homer. Just glanced through his game log and I can’t make heads or tails of any impending hot streak off this one decent game. He’s more due than a lady who’s 11 months pregnant. Never the hoo! A three-hit night would indicate to me a guy seeing the ball well. I was watching Herz, though, so saw none of his at-bats. I’m making a big deal of this, because Suwinski could become a top 25 outfielder in a snap.
Kyle Gibson – 5 IP, 4 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.88. Kinda funny that I wouldn’t start Gibson without the Streamonator‘s consent, but he’s, like, one bad start from Keller away from having the same ERA.
Nolan Gorman – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 17th homer. I simp for Gorman like I’m a Harvey Wallbanger in 1983 (new reference!), but his average is .193. How? I mean, ouch. But also, how?
Alec Burleson – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer, hitting .280. He’s coming off a 7-homer month of June, i.e., a 42-homer season-long pace-a-roo-ski.
Jarren Duran – 1-for-4 and a slam (10) and legs (21), 3rd homer in three games, hitting .287. Duran’s become a top 30 draft pick, and has a chance for top 20 and even higher.
Ceddanne Rafaela – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 9th homer, hitting .244. Would it surprise you that he’s been more valuable than Paredes? Morel? Tyler O’Neill? Then hold off on the Botox injections, because you’re getting your surprised face for free.
Jake Burger – 2-for-4 and his 8th homer, 2nd homer in a week. Burger hit that homer, and trotted around the bases wearing a sandwich board that read, “What no trade clause?”
Jesus Sanchez – 1-for-4 and his 8th homer. Is it time again for Jesus to rise again? Glad I saved some hard boiled eggs and Paas.
Tim Anderson – Was DFA’d by the Marlins. Shame they weren’t that creative in how they told him. Marlins could’ve bought a Cameo and had Jose Ramirez break the news to him.
