Milwaukee PD Called To The Skenes Of A Crime At Miller Park

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Pirates showing the brilliance of their organization with how they handled Paul Skenes (7 IP, 0 ER, 0 hits, 1 walk, 11 Ks, ERA at 1.90). He needed to stay down in the minors for a month this year to learn how to field bunts. Without that knowledge, he would not be striking out 11 Brewers while no-hitting them, I’ll tell you that. And another thing, as I work on my top 100 for the 2nd half that will be released next Tuesday, it’s hard to make the case against Skenes being the best pitcher in baseball, if not for his innings limit. I’ll let ESPN’s Jeff Passan give you the stats:

So, how many innings will we see from Paul Skenes the rest of the year? Not to be a party pooper, but I want less than whatever number you’re thinking. I want him in a bubble and label that bubble fantastic and don’t touch it after, maybe, 50 more innings. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Sike! Before we get into that, RazzBowl was announced, and CoolWhip knocked the design out of the park–um, a football analogy, he punted a home run! It’s free to play if any of youse play fantasy football. Link is here to SIGNUP. Anyway II, the roundup:

Aaron Civale – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.94. “Oh, okay, let’s get it on.” That’s Civale leaning in and seeing the Pirates’ lineup instead of, say, the Yanks or Red Sox.

Devin Williams – Started his rehab. That puts him around two weeks away. The assumption is he’ll take the 9th inning back immediately, but I don’t know. Is Megill not a top five closer right now? Maybe, I’m just saying I wouldn’t rule out Devin working the 8th.

Cody Bellinger – Hit the IL with a fractured finger, and will likely miss a month. Cubs called up Alexander Canario to replace Cody Bellinger’s production. Impossible challenge! Will never happen! A home run every three weeks? A run and RBI in the same week? How do you cover that production? Good luck, Alex Canary! You might sound like you fly but you will never be as high as Cody. Especially not on 4/20. Someone asks Cody Bellinger how high a plane flies and he says, “Two edibles.” Any hoo! I saw a Cubs’ beat writer say Cody Bellinger’s injury hurts his trade value. Which one? The one when he damaged his shoulder in the playoffs by bashing someone’s elbow and it ruined his career? That injury? Sad stuff, tee be aitch, not to get too parasocial, but Cody Bellinger seems like a good dude. One of the few players who I struggle to get mad at even if he sucked for most of the year and now he’s giving his owners a middle finger. So, Alexander Canario is a weird one — Alexander Canard? — because everything points to him being an exciting prospect, but the Cubs make no effort ever to play him. They opt for guys like Patrick Wisdom and Garrett Cooper over him. Why? Maybe it’s the 31.1% K% in Triple-A at 24 years old. Yeah, that’s likely it. Sigh.

Justin Steele – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 hirs, zero walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.71, and pulled after 70 pitches, because. Dot dot dot. I don’t know. There hasn’t been a pitcher throw back-to-back complete games since Kluber in 2017. In Steele’s last 61 IP, 1.48 ERA.

Albert Suarez – 5 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.82. Now has two stinkers in his last four starts. Cherrypicking? Yeah, but it’s cherry season.

Graham Ashcraft – Diagnosed with an elbow strain. Looking at his stats, and I have to imagine he’s had this injury all year.

Santiago Espinal – 2-for-4 and his 5th homer. Fun fact! Santiago speaks Espinal.

Tyler Stephenson – 2-for-5, 5 RBIs and his 9th and 10th homer, 3rd and 4th homer in his last three games. Well, I was bummed I didn’t get Ben Rice in this one league to replace Tyler Stephenson when Ben hit three Dong Cheezos in one game after hitting another the night before, but Stephenson is doing the Dong Dance just over a few games. Tyler won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy column, but he’s clearly hot.

Hunter Greene – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.34. Can every pitcher I have face the Rockies? What if I say pretty pretty please?

Michael Toglia – 1-for-2 and his 12th homer, and 2nd homer in three games. Could be a little schmotato action, but I’d not start him unless they were in Coors.

Cal Raleigh – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and his 18th and 19th homer, now 4 homers in three games. Man’s hitting more homers than ass, and he’s got a lot of ass.

MacKenzie Gore – 4 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.01. Ugh, went into the home of Grimace and came out grimacing. Don’t love what I’ve seen from him recently. Not quite at a Streamonator call yet, but headed that way.

David Peterson – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.09. On one of my fantasy teams, I have Peterson, Reynaldo, Andrew Abbott and Ranger Suarez. Kinda surprised my team’s ERA isn’t under 3. I know I say this a lot, but here it comes again! Think about how you insisted on drafting starters in the top 20. Fine, think the top 50 overall! You had to have that ace! You pleaded with the Gods that Kevin Gausman would fall to you! You needed Spencer Strider! You begged the universe to let Freddy Peralta be there for your next pick! You had to have Pablo Lopez! Yeah, I don’t know what to tell you. It’s the same story every year. Ratios are unpredictable, wins are unpredictable, starters don’t get saves. They’re literally being drafted for strikeouts and you hope and pray they’re lucky on wins and ratios.

Bo Bichette – Sat out yesterday with a “I suck very bad.” Boo PieceofChette is droppable in most mixed leagues. You invested a draft pick, it didn’t work. You need to move on.

Kevin Gausman – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.50. He’s clearly not the pitcher he used to be. Watched the majority of this game and he was getting so many fly ball outs. Hard hit fly ball outs. Kiermaier alone saved him three or four times. His splitter no longer splits. Maybe Gausman can reinvent himself next year. As a sad clown.

Spencer Horwitz – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 4th homer, hitting .322. Not to pick on the Jays, but they have the most collective wasted talent on a team, every year. Boo, Cake, other guys who I’m not thinking of. All of them! But Horwitz does look pretty solid. Give him another year!

Heliot Ramos – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer, 2nd homer in three games. Heliot is roughly around 120th overall on the Player Rater and Boo Pieceofchette is around 400. Ramos wasn’t called up until May 8th. Though, don’t need to take a player who has actually been good. Kevin Newman and Boo Pieceofchette have comparable value on the Rater!

Jordan Hicks – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.79. Oh, damn, that stinks. Inner monologue, “I don’t have you, Hicks, feel free to regress.”

Trea Turner – 2-for-4 and a slam (9) and legs (12). Do people realize how good Treat Urner has been? Yes or no? Si or no si?

Kyle Schwarber – 1-for-4 and his 19th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. It’s not June anymore! Geez!

Brandon Marsh – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, 2nd homer in two games. If he’s available, that’s a schmotato you’re smelling under his 15-inches of beard. Captain Stankbeard, amiright?

Juan Soto – 2-for-3 and his 22nd homer. Sexy Dr. Pepper with a little pop!

Nestor Cortes – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.67. In 2021, he looked so promising, but now so bad. And I’m not just talking about Biden.

Randy Arozarena – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer. Glad to see his average over .200. Just barely. Damn, The Rice Bowl’s an unmitigated mess.

Shane Baz – 4 1/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 5.23. Was hoping he’d get a tough matchup and show me how it’s done. There go my hopes!

Connor Wong – 2-for-3, 2runs and his 8th homer. Wong dong!

Wilyer Abreu – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer, and 2nd homer in three games. Gave up on Abreu a few weeks back, but he looks like he might be heating up. He won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy column, but he’s here now for ya!

Masataka Yoshida – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 4th homer, 2nd homer in a week. He could have a Jurickson Profar-type 2nd half. Meaning Profar’s 1st half, not as in what I think Profar’s 2nd half will be and not good.

Tanner Houck – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.54. Houckmania > Lisztomania. Also way better than Lizzomania.

Tyler Soderstrom – Hit the IL with a bone bruise. Well, you wanted Soderstrom and now you can watch him fizzle.

Jazz Chisholm Jr. – 1-for-5 and his 12th homer, 2nd homer in three games. Damn, someone really wants off the Marlins.

Bryan De La Cruz – 3-for-4 and his 16th homer. Marlins said De La Cruz is the only untouchable player for them. Marlins 2025: Come catch the excitement with Bryan De La Cruz!

Brandon Pfaadt – 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.97. Was one of the top starts yesterday for the Streamonator and I streamed him. All there is to it.

Eugenio Suarez – 1-for-2 and his 9th homer, and 2nd homer in two games, and 3rd homer in a week. The hottest schmotato in the land got hot in a millisecond.

Max Fried – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.08. This matchup of Fried vs. Pfaadt sounded like a Richard Simmons should’ve been throwing out the first pitch.

Bo Naylor – 1-for-3 and his 6th homer. Turned this game on right as he was hitting this home run and all I heard was “Naylor just got it over the right field fences” and I was like, “Please Josh! Please Josh! Please Josh!” It was not Josh.

Jack Flaherty – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.13. Not sure if people who are asking if they’d start Flaherty have seen Flaherty pitch. Literally does nothing but throw strikes that hitters can’t hit. Think about that for a second. Always in the zone, but can’t make contact. In the 4th inning, he seemed to lose the strike zone a little bit with two walks, and the entire dugout was like, ‘What’s going on? Is he okay?” Two walks and everyone thought there was an issue. That’s how right on he is all the time. Just pounding the strike zone with nasty pitches. He is a joy to watch. I’d put his slider vs. anyone’s best pitch in baseball.

Carson Kelly – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 7th homer. I’m Carson Kelly, and…This is…The Voice!

Kenta Maeda – Moved to the bullpen. Next stop the glue factory.





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