New research highlights the overlooked dangers of subtle and covert abuse in intimate relationships

New research from the University of East Anglia has uncovered a significant gap in understanding of a harmful form of domestic abuse known as subtle or covert abuse.

Unlike more obvious forms of physical or verbal abuse, subtle abuse is less visible but can be just as damaging to victims. The review found that current research on this topic is limited, despite its potentially widespread impact. The findings suggest that subtle abuse is often driven by the perpetrator’s sense of entitlement, which leads to long-term emotional and psychological harm for victims.

The work appears in Trauma Violence & Abuse.

Lead author Rosemary Parkinson, of UEA’s School of Health Sciences, has worked as a psychotherapist for nearly 30 years, and is particularly interested in researching the subtle abuse of heterosexual women of high educational and socio-economic status in intimate relationships, a population group with which she has worked closely.

She said, “My work aims to define this kind of abuse. I am also interested in how therapists can be trained to recognize women clients who have experienced or are experiencing subtle abuse. The women themselves present in therapy not knowing they were or are being abused, and instead think there is something wrong with them which they need to change.”

A particular concern raised in the research is that therapists do not currently have the knowledge and training to recognize this form of abuse, as abusive partners can present themselves as helpful and concerned when dealing with health care professionals.

However, due to the paucity of literature and training in this area, therapists lack the knowledge to identify experiences of subtle or covert abuse in intimate relationships.

Abusive relationships can therefore be missed, and in some cases therapeutic work may even allow them to continue. The abuse is often conducted in an indirect way, and can be mixed with positive behaviors or performed in a positive way, and is therefore easily excused and becomes the norm in a relationship.

Key behaviors of this type of abuser include:

• Undermining—Denying the victim’s perception of things, disapproving through sighing or questioning, expressing disappointment, lying and gaslighting, being condescending, blaming, playing mindgames and demonstrating double standards.

• Limiting—Turning the victim’s attention from their needs to the perpetrator’s, guilt-tripping, violation of boundaries, making partners focus on them and preventing partners from developing themselves or their interests.

• Withholding—Avoiding communication, physical and emotional withdrawal, being moody, sulky and passive aggressive and having lack of concern, attention or affection, with no support, understanding, companionship and appreciation.

Ms. Parkinson, who is studying for her Professional Doctorate in Health and Social Care, said, “Changes in women victims can include self-doubt, a loss of self-worth, negative mood changes and a limiting of themselves. These in turn lead victims to focus on the perpetrators’ needs and ignore their own.

“Subtle or covert abuse has the potential to be one of the most damaging of all abuses, and there are no studies solely exploring this kind of abuse. It shows that we know very little about a type of abuse that is damaging victims and may be pervasive.”

The review highlights an urgent need for more research on subtle abuse to better understand how to recognize its signs, offer effective support to victims, and to train therapists to spot the signs.