Yesterday, Brandon Pfaadt went 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.74. Singing a’la the Fat Boys, “The Pfaadt Boy is back! And you know he can never be wack!” [sees Pfaadt’s game log] Okay, so he can be wack. “The Pfaadt Boy is back! And you know he can be occasionally wack.” That doesn’t have the same ring. Well, I can be wack on occasion too. Have you seen my Ke’Bryan Hayes sleeper? No? Good, don’t search it out. Pfaadt was even out-shoved in the same game by Shota Imanaga (7 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.86), but this isn’t about him. (Shota/Pfaadt sounds like someone forgetting Jabba the Hutt’s name.) Looking at Pfaadt’s peripherals — 8.3 K/9, 2 BB/9) and has the same ERA as his xFIP. That gets a big Pfaadt so? Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Zac Gallen – 5 IP, 0 ER, 9 baserunners (6 BBs), 4 Ks, ERA at 3.64. Guys giving out more walks than a dogsitter after a pup gets into its owner’s Taco Bell. Can you sell Gallen, because I have no faith in him anymore.
Eugenio Suarez – 1-for-4 and his 11th homer. Bit early to schmotato anyone after the break, but Eugenio was hot going into the break, so maybe he’s just continuing the hot.
Ryan Pepiot – Hit the IL with a knee infection. He over-emphasized the K in knee and the Rays were like, “Nuh-uh, you’re done.” Wait, that’s a knee inflection.
Taj Bradley – 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 2 walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.63. Taj Ma-ace! Came into his own this year. Next year, we’re getting the good stuff all year! Then the following year, he’ll sit 91, Rays will say they’re not concerned and then he’ll need Tommy John, but from now until 2026, here we go!
Shane Baz – 3 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 9 baserunners (5 BBs), 1 K, ERA at 3.95. Bazin-guh.
Randy Arozarena – 1-for-4 and his 15th homer, and his 3rd homer in two games. The Rice Bowl has ricen!
Richie Palacios – 1-for-4 and his 5th homer. Was so happy to see this homer, then I realized I have Josh Palace. Sorry, Baron Albright, that is the wrong Palace.
Jose Siri – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer, hitting .205. Ya know who Siri is? No, not your personal phone assistant. He’s the guy at the top of waivers in 15-team mixed leagues who you can’t bring yourself to pick up.
Nestor Cortes – 4 1/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.99. Related news, how are trade negotiations going for the Yanks to acquire a starter?
Aaron Judge – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 35th homer. “Here we go again.” That’s Roger Maris Jr. clearing his September.
DJ LeMahieu – Was finally benched after his average fell to .177. My theory that Aaron Boone likes to play 3rd basemen who are worse than he was in the majors is undefeated. Best theory that’s ever existed. Theory of relativity is the runner-up.
Ozzie Albies – Headed to the IL with a wrist fracture, and will miss roughly eight weeks, making him droppable in all leagues. Albies sure is night and day between his great and terrible seasons.
Nacho Alvarez – Being called up to replace Albies. Hurry to waivers so you can tell your leaguemates, “He’s nacho your Nacho!” He also goes by Ignacio Alvarez, but that’s got less zing than Nacho. In Triple-A this year, he went 7/5/.342, and getting on-base is what he does with a 15.7% K% and 11% walk rate. That’s outstanding for a 21-year-old. Or I guess, out-walking. He feels like he’s a year or two away from mixed league relevance, but I would grab him in deeper mixed leagues just in case he hits, because the eye is there.
Charlie Morton – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.92. Went to look at Streamonator for Morton’s next start, then I sighed thinking how nice it must be to not need Morton.
Max Fried – Hit the IL with forearm neuritis. Not going to claim victory here. I thought he wouldn’t get through a full season after his forearm strain last year. Does making it through only a half season disprove me? No, not really, but I’m still not claiming victory, because, through the humble teachings of a Eddie Vedder, I am a better man.
Jarred Kelenic – 1-for-4 and his 11th homer. What if Kelenic’s breaking out and this is what it looks like? A 17 homer pace while hitting .250? Shruggy the Emoji shrugs.
Spencer Schwellenbach – 6 IP, 4 ER, 7 hits, zero walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.62. Ratios aren’t that pretty, but 8:0 K:BB makes me want to look deeper. Said like Willy Wonka, “Come with me…” So, his numbers look better than I expected, 8.7 K/9, 1.8 BB/9, and better in the minors. Reason I think it’s pertinent is the Braves have room for Schwellenbach, and not just in a Sean Connery Sound-A-Like Contest. Monocle, or grab depending on the league.
Paul Goldschmidt – 1-for-4 and his 14th homer, as he bats 7th. Au Shizz!
Alec Burleson – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 18th homer. He made my top 100 for the 2nd half. Know why? Because I freakin’ love him!
Lars Nootbaar – 1-for-3 and his 7th homer. That Nootbaar is such a snack!
Eric Haase – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 2nd and 3rd homer. Eric Haase cheezburger!
Jackson Chourio – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 10th homer, and two steals on Saturday. Sonavabench! Why were the Brewers off on Friday? Just so I would freakin’ bench him? C’mon! Any hoo! Chourio looks like he might be heating up (though Manager Murphy seems to platoon him out whenever that happens).
Freddy Peralta – 6 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, 2 walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.88 vs. Pablo Lopez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.86. This matchup was billed as, “[whispering] Please have a good 2nd half. Please have a good 2nd half. Please have a good 2nd half.”
Trevor Megill – 1 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 2.48. Considering Devin Williams is a week, maybe days, away, it’s not a good time for Megill to lose his shizz.
Carlos Correa – Hit the IL with plantar fasciitis. Usually affects a guy’s Chia Pet. Takes anywhere from 10 days to “how long has the longest oblique injury sidelined someone? Because plantar fasciitis is even more vague with timetables.”
Joe Ryan – 6 IP, 4 ER, 7 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.65. Fantasy Baseball Overlord, don’t you dare take Ryan from us to make Pab-Lo happen.
Byron Buxton -2-for-5 and his 10th and 11th homer. Also, in this game Trevor Larnach (1-for-3, 2 RBIs) hit his 10th homer. That gives the Twins five guys with ten homers. And only two of them are on the IL!
Dylan Cease – 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.76. I told you he was going to be great in my top 100 for the 2nd half! Okay, no I didn’t. But I hinted that he could be great. Hinting empowers you to do your own thinking!
Michael King – 7 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.28 vs. Ben Lively – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.57. This Lively/King matchup was billed as, “Not Charles.”
Gavin Williams – 3 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 4.50. Very weird he didn’t magically heal because he wanted to. The Secret is all lies!
Daniel Hudson – 2/3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 1.56 and his 6th save. Don’t look now but I think there’s a new closer in Los Angeles, and his name might be Blake Treinen. Might also be Hudson. Or it could be Tanner Scott by next week. I guess Hudson for now. Notice who I didn’t mention? Evan Phillips (2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.77). He has given up runs in six of his last eight appearances with yesterday’s being the crap de grâce.
Freddie Freeman – 1-for-4 and his 16th homer. It’s wild how unthreatening the Dodgers’ lineup is when Will Smith is resting. They have three bats. This is me explaining to myself why I started Kutter Crawford (5 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.37), who allowed homers to all three plus two more! Teoscar Hernandez (1-for-4) hit his 20th homer, Jason Heyward (1-for-4, 2 RBIs) hit his 5th homer, Austin Barnes (1-for-3) hit his 1st homer.
Shohei Ohtani – 1-for-3 and his 30th homer. He hit his 7th 450+ foot homer. He also saved a cat from a burning house, and endorsed the AM/PM mascot Toomgis for the Democratic nominee, and Toomgis is now winning in four of five battleground states.
Gavin Lux – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer, and 2nd homer in two games. Could Lux finally be breaking out? Doubtful! But hot? Yes, 100%.
Jarren Duran – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 12th homer, as he hits third. Not bad for a guy people were afraid wouldn’t play every day.
Clayton Kershaw – Will make his debut this Thursday after going 3.60 ERA in 10 innings in the minors. Prospect grades are fair. Supposedly he has a good slider.
Julio Rodriguez – Day to day after colliding with the wall. Looked like he hurt his ankle and screamed, “Why couldn’t you have done this in April when you weren’t good?” Wait, I screamed that.
Victor Robles – 2-for-4 and his 11th steal, hitting .288. M’s offense is so pathetic Victor Robles is hitting 2nd. And he’s one of the M’s highlights!
Luke Raley – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 11th homer. Oh Raley!
Bryan Woo – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.54. I don’t love The Opener in general, but Woo could use an Opener.
Yordan Alvarez – 4-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 20th homer, as he hit for the cycle. Captain Woo Cubano’s triple was when JRod got hurt though, so it didn’t count because it made me sad. Sorry, rules are rules.
Jorge Soler – 2-for-4 and his 11th homer. He hit it 478 feet, the longest home run of the season, which brings me to my question: If he can hit long homers, why doesn’t he hit many?
Tyler Fitzgerald – 1-for-2 and his 4th homer, and 3rd homer in three games. Hot schmotato alert!
Hayden Birdsong – 6 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 3.55. It’s funny to me how bad the Rockies are, even at home. So, Birdsong has 10.7 K/9, 4 .3 BB/9 and a history of awful command. Streamonator tells us he gets the Suckies again next time out, so absolutely grab him.
Max Scherzer – 2 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 3.99. He said he had some arm fatigue. Only he pronounced it fay-tee-gay, for the Italians.
Jonah Heim – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 9th homer. Hit ’em with the Heim!
Anthony Santander – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 27th homer. I don’t give Santander enough respect. He’s the O’s three-hole hitter and on pace for 40+ homers. That’s pretty good!
MacKenzie Gore – 2 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 4.20. His ERA is accurate because he’s getting smoked. In most shallower mixed leagues, it’s time to move on.
Seth Lugo – 9 IP, 1 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, six Ks, ERA at 2.38. This start was vs. the White Sux, and, this is gonna sound crazy, but the White Sux are gonna get worse in the next week with the trade deadline.
Drew Thorpe – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.03. Kinda wild how good Thorpe has been. Literally. He has been very wild (4 BB/9) and it is also surprising that he has a good ERA.
Luis L. Ortiz – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 2.57. He’s waiting until he’s rostered in 51% or more fantasy leagues, then L.L. Ortiz is going to say his mama said knock you out.
Tyler Phillips – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.81. T. Phillips pitching like he’s got a Hangover! Is that something? No? Maybe too inside baseball, but not baseball. Any hoo! Let’s open Tyler Phillips’s stats page and see what we have! [unfurls a list of stats that’s comically long] Wow, never seen this before, Baseball Reference finished the bottom of Phillips’s stats page on a CVS receipt. So, he started in 2015 at the age of 17. Quick math says, he is not still 17. He’s barely still in his 20’s. He has great command, so that’s good. He also had a 4.89 ERA in Triple-A this year in 92 IP. Come on, bro and five lady bros.
Nick Castellanos – 2-for-5 and his 14th homer, hitting .239. He unburdened that home run ball for what has been like he just fell out of a coconut tree.
Kodai Senga – Will return this week vs. the Braves. In his final rehab start, he allowed five runs in three innings. Oh…[climbs to the tallest peak in the Sierra Nevada mountain range]…kay. So Senga can pitch for three weeks, then get shut down again. Sorry too harsh? You’re right, the Mets will not have any issues with a starter returning from injury. It will be clear sailing, as it always is!
Luis Severino – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.58. Not entirely sold on Severino, but Streamonator is and I’d start anyone vs. the Marlins.
Christian Scott – 4 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 4.56. Maybe he’ll be good at some point, but he is not good at this point.
Jazz Chisholm Jr. – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 13th homer. Also, in this game, Jake Burger (1-for-3) hit 12th homer, and 2nd homer this weekend. I bet I know who would enjoy some Jazz and a Burger. The Mariners’ starters.
Bo Bichette – Hit the IL with a “Listen, I stopped caring about 18 months ago. I don’t even care enough to finish this…”
Yusei Kikuchi – 5 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.54. Yusei spends the first four innings of the game measuring your tailpipe, then spends the fifth inning jamming a banana into it.
Chad Green – 1 2/3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 1.88 and the save, which comes after Yimi Garcia returned from the IL. So, Garcia is Yimi, and Green is Gimi the saves. Let’s go! Though, I think this isn’t likely said and done yet. Yimi had just thrown the day before, but it says something that Yimi threw in a non-save situation. Also, one or both might be traded too.
George Springer – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 12th and 13th homer. Springer has sprung! (To a new team if someone will take him by the trade deadline.)
Reese Olson – Hit the IL with a shoulder strain. That’s usually better than a forearm strain, but not as good as a “made-up injury that’s just them trying to limit innings.”
Justyn-Henry Malloy – 1-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 6th homer. That’s in 35 games. If Wyatt Langford did that to start the year, we would’ve christened him the Heir to ‘Tani.
Noelvi Marte – 1-for-4 and his 2nd homer, hitting .176. This was also his 2nd hit. True or not, it sounds true, which means it is true.
James Wood – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer. Think how happy you’d be if Wood did what Malloy is doing. You’d be all about Wood, so to speak.
Jake Irvin – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.44. We’re back, baby! Back where? It’s a figure of speech, Random Italicized Voice. No, it’s not. Okay, Streamonator loved yesterday’s Irvin start, and hates his next, and I can’t argue.
Jack Kochanowicz – 4 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 14.14. Angels have started the lead detective from NYPD Blue twice now and both times he showed his ass.
