Here’s a story I think I’ve told before, but it’s sorta related to today’s post, and it’s a short schedule day in late-September: Cougs and I went on an architectural tour of Palm Springs — hey, when you don’t have kids, you have to find stuff to amuse each other. So, this tour would go around to people’s houses that were indicative of mid-century modern, and people would open their houses to let people look around. The home owners were not there. Just us and the guide. Well, when I’m in someone’s house I’m not looking at their art deco furniture or whatever, I’m looking at their personal affects, because I’m nosy as shizz. So, we go into this one home, and the tour guide is like, “This is his office, but there’s nothing really to see in there.” I glance in and see a bunch of baseball crap, so I’m like, “Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, I need to see this.” So, I go in and there’s dozens of pictures of pitchers on the wall giving their best wishes to the home owner, and one front and center from Tommy John. Then I see the home owner’s diploma and I exclaim, “Holy crap, this is Frank Jobe’s house!” Tour guide is like, “You know him?” Of course, Frank Jobe performed Tommy John surgery when it was still called, “Who is the patient with the bowl haircut in the Dodgers jersey in room three?” surgery. Any hoo! Frank Jobe and Jackson Jobe are totally unrelated. So, Itch just put Jackson Jobe in his top 50 prospects for dynasty baseball, and now here he is in the majors, as he was called up by the Tigers. He only made it to Triple-A for two starts and 9 IP. In Double-A this year, he threw 73 2/3 IP with a 9.9 K/9 and 4.6 BB/9 and a goofy 1.95 ERA. The numbers do nothing for me, but it’s not just Itch who’s high on him, so it could be fun to see him work. He’s not relevant for this year in redraft leagues since he’s joining the pen, and I will likely give you a Jackson Jobe rookie outlook this offseason, if I think he warrants it. Hopefully he sees some time in Dominican Winter Leagues or somewhere this offseason though, because he has no innings on his arm this year. Though, I guess he doesn’t need to be cautious, he can name drop at a surgeon’s office and play dumb about his family tree. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Josh Jung – Done for the year with a hand injury. Josh Jung had seven homers and 16 RBIs. Not this month. This year! If you’re drafting Jung anywhere before 250th overall next year, then bless the mess that sits on your shoulders.
Aaron Nola – 6 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.52. Watched the majority of this start, and the final line is lying — it’s a lying line! — but that’s Nola’s entire deal. He either gets hit hard or he limits damage, while being hit hard only the type that doesn’t show up in the boxscore.
J.T. Realmuto – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer. Jerry Tomato ain’t no Jersey tomato, because he’s no longer fresh. Did that work? No? Okay. This was the year when Jerry Tomato finally over-ripened and fell off. Still nothing? Geez, you’re tough.
Kyle Schwarber – 2-for-5 and his 37th homer, hitting .250. Something that’s never talked about when people talk about unlikely outcomes for this year: Schwarber hitting .250 is one of the most unlikeliest. Prolly 100 to 1 odds in the beginning of the season. He hadn’t hit .250 in three years and his K% was ballooning and his Launch Angle was nuts, and he fixed both just enough.
Hunter Brown – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.49. Been doing this long enough to know that wherever Brown is in drafts, it won’t be high enough. He broke out already. This is it. But people will draft guys like, well, to take one guy from yesterday, Nola will be drafted before Brown and Brown will absolutely out-perform him. People will look at Brown next year like he still hasn’t reached his potential. He has. This is it. It’s great.
Jason Heyward – 1-for-3 and his 9th homer. Loaded up all my teams with as many janky guys I could find that were playing yesterday, but I saw Heyward and I was like, “Nah, too janky.”
Bryce Miller – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.94. Since I’m thinking next year: How about this, draft all M’s starters except Castillo and grab a few middle relievers for extra wins? Like Pressly types and all M’s starters. Not Jim Presley, but I can see how you’d make that mistake when I said Pressly types and Mariners.
Michael Conforto – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 19th homer. He’s been a schmotato since last week; it’s his time to shine. Let him shine, won’t ya please?
Matt Chapman – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 27th homer. Begun to write up my recaps for each position, which will come out starting next week over the following next few weeks, and 3rd base ended up kinda stacked. Chapman is top 50 overall on the Player Rater, and the 9th best 3rd basemen, i.e., there’s nine 3rd basemen in the top 50. That’s a lot. And none are Austin Riley.
Casey Schmitt – 1-for-3 and his 6th homer. Didn’t realize he had six homers. I remembered Schmitt for showing his nuts to the world, then disappearing. Weird how memory works.
Hayden Birdsong – 5 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.66. Streamonator likes his next one too. Do I feel confident about that? No, but whee.
Eduardo Rodriguez – 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 5.56. More like Ed-Dud.
Tanner Houck – 5 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 0 Ks, ERA at 3.12. Had zero hits, zero walks and zero Ks through four innings and I thought maybe we’d get a 1897 Old Hoss Houck perfect game. “Put a little vinegar behind your ear and the consumption will pass so you can go take the hill for tonite’s game.” That’s the old timey coach giving Old Hoss Houck some advice. Unlike Bello and Kutter (kinda), Houck was an actual success this year, but next year I see success from all of them. I’m priming ya now. I’m gonna be a Masshole with how many Red Sox I like next year.
Chris Bassitt – 4 1/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 4.16. Live by the two-start starter, shake your fist at the two-start starter while cursing. Streamonator likes Bassitt’s final start, but Bassitt appropriately makes me woof.
Charlie Blackmon – Announced his retirement. Bud Black said, “No, you can’t, your our leadoff hitter until you die.”
David Bell – Was fired on Sunday from being the Reds’ manager. Pour some out for Dumb Bell. He turned a potent offense in Coors East that should win 90+ games into a league average offense and a sub-.500 team. Dumb Bell was famous for a lot of terrible decisions but just this year he took one of the hottest bats in the majors, Rece Hinds, and abruptly stopped playing him. “Could have just let him DH while having India played 2nd over Espinal?” Of course, but this question perplexed Dumb Bell for countless hours. He took a trek to visit a Buddha statue in downtown Cincy (it’s outside Buddha’s Mongolian BBQ) to ask the Buddha what he thought he should do, and the Buddha said, “Look deep within for the knowledge you possess,” so Dumb Bell dropped his pants, bent over backwards in front of a mirror and tried to find that knowledge deep within himself. Sadly, the only knowledge he now possesses is he needs to wipe better.
