Singing Dan Hill’s Sometimes When We Touch, “You ask me if I love you, and I choke on my reply, and I rather hurt you honestly, then mislead you with a lie, and who am I to think you can hit like Aaron Judge!” Sobbing as I touch the TV screen where Davis Schneider stands, softly touching the area where his mustache sits on his upper lip, turning to the rest of the Tim Hortons, screaming, “He’s beautiful! Can you see that, eh?” So, Davis Schneider is fascinating, not for just the Chia Pet he has sitting on his upper lip that is saying touch me, but because he came up last year and hit well — 8 HRs, .276 in only 35 games — and everyone thought he just had Maas Appeal. A Septacular performance? Var sho! But nothing more. The thing is, what if there was more. He’s neutrally hitting .260, walking almost 13% of the time and almost on the same crazy homer pace with some speed too. He’s on pace for a 25/15/.260 season. Or what you’re never getting from Randy Arozarena this year. Oh, and Davis Schneider is hitting leadoff! People have been slow to add him, but it’s time to change that. Roll your mouse over him on waivers and start singing! Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
PSYCHE! This post was released on Wednesday for Patreon members. It will be released all year early for Patreons, so if people are getting a jump on you, it’s because they paid the $10. Anyway, the Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell:
BUY
Patrick Bailey – Giants gave up on Bart to go with Bailey. Sadly, they didn’t go with Bart/Bailey, because that sounds like a Jimmy Stewart character, and I would’ve got a lot of mileage out of that.
David Fry – Fry’s about as hot as any player. I said on Twitter about how it’s sad to go from Acuña to Fry, and from 1.1 to a hot schmotato is sad, but naturally Guards fans didn’t take that well.
what’s the saddest Ronald Acuña Jr. transaction you’ve seen? pic.twitter.com/pVTL1pyjJr
— Razzball (@Razzball) May 27, 2024
Alec Burleson – Feels like every player I’m recommending to this point is like some variation of five homers, two steals and hitting way above his paygrade.
Mark Vientos – Mets said bienvenidos to Vientos and buenos noches to Brett Baty. Why? I couldn’t tell you. It makes no sense. Mets are in the process of a rebuild, don’t you know? That’s why they sent down Brett Baty and will give useless at-bats to J.D. Martinez.
Luke Raley – Lot of the guys in here are platoon bats, and Raley is no different, but played right, you can get some value out of Raley, i.e., Luke, you are my waiver wire fodder.
Alex Kirilloff – He’s been hot, according to the 7-day Player Rater, so this is not against picking him up this week, but his 162-game pace is around 18 HRs and .248 for his career.
Ty France – Showing some real power lately. Yes, France! I wonder who’s occupying him.
Gavin Sheets – Just think, you can pick up France/Sheets and rename your team to some frilly shizz, like, “Doily Patterns,” then your wife can ask, “You mean like Dolly Partons?” then you can think to yourself for eternity, “What’s the right answer here?”
Dylan Moore – D. Moore depresses me. Donnie Moore comes to mind, then I get really depressed thinking of Dudley Moore. He was the last short king pulling models!
Tyler Freeman – The Guardians one-upped the Astros Cheaty Cheaty Bang Bang Scandal. They’re not beating garbage cans, they’re beating people with garbage.
Nick Gonzales – Just gave you my Nick Gonzales fantasy. It was written while playing tiddlywinks.
Colt Keith – His contact is so laughably bad, when viewing his whole season, but it could’ve just been a slow start in his first look at the league. There was some who thought he had huge power in the minors, which is starting to become less believable for Tigers prospects. Fool me once (Tork), fool me–well, I won’t be fooled again!
Ji Hwan Bae – He’s a .230 hitter with 25-steal speed. There’s a place for that. On the Pirates, for one.
Brett Wisely – You pick up your smartphone right now and add Wisely! No, not Brett, I’m saying you use wisdom to add players. Okay, fine, you added Wisely. He’s been hot. It’s okay.
Masyn Winn – We’re at the point in the season where you can easily multiple a guy’s stats by three and see what they’re on pace for and, oh boy, snooze. “Winn’s exciting!” [then you see he’s on pace for 6/20] “Well, okay.” For those wondering, hitting is way down. Now that we have a big enough sample, we can see it. .240/.311/.388 are league averages. That’s a .699 OPS, last year’s was .734. League ERA is 3.97, last year it was 4.33.
Edmundo Sosa – Actually been pretty solid in part-time duty. Hehe, I said doodie.
David Hamilton – Hard for me not to see him and think about how I overbid in FAAB by a lot about a month ago on him, then he didn’t play, and I dropped him. I do like him for steals though, and will try not to see Hamilton and think about how I wasted my shot.
Nolan Gorman – No-Go is a Yes-Go! Think on it, it makes sense.
Maikel Garcia – [wearing a crown of hot schmotatoes] “I don’t know how Michael Massey wore this to the plate every game.” That’s Maikel.
Jose Miranda – He’s 26 and guess how many career games he’s played in. Just up and down and platoons and–bzzt wrongo! He’s played in over 200 games! He’s been hot recently, so don’t take this the wrong way, but do Twins hitting prospects ever work out? Don’t say Joe Mauer! Name someone since your 9-year-old nephew, Bengee, has been born. And don’t ask me why your sister spelled Benji like that!
Kevin Pillar – I can understand why more people aren’t jumping feet first into Pillar. It’s a column. It’d hurt.
Rob Refsnyder – It’s Umpsnyder. Geez, learn baseball terminology. You’re lucky you’ve been hot and hitting in the middle of the Red Sox lineup (some days).
Matt Vierling – I saw Wenceel Perez at leadoff vs. righties and Vierling vs. lefties and I thought, “Wow, the Tigers are awful.” Any hoo! Vierling’s been hot.
J.J. Bleday – Ice Cube, “You know it was a Bleday…”
Brenton Doyle – Sometimes I think I shouldn’t bother mentioning some guys, because they should’ve been rostered for the last month-plus, and Doyle is one of those.
Alex Verdugo – No idea what happens when Dominguez returns, but Verdugo is having one of those years like those great corner outfielder, counting stats years. Could be a 85/25/85/.260, which is at worst a number three outfielder.
Jarred Kelenic – Still can’t hit lefties, and, even with Acuña out, well, the real benefactor of his knees is:
Adam Duvall – Kelenic’s blurb took you here, but Duvall could be what I was describing in the Verdugo blurb. Duvall’s capable of being a solid, all-fantasy-league contributor, but he might be a little old now, if being realistic. We’ll have to see if Duvall is more or less cooked than Justin Turner.
Luis Matos – Has been hitting leadoff, actually has more upside, could be a five-category performer, and I have very little confidence in him for this year.
Robert Gasser – Looks good in general, but this is a Streamonator call, like the call it makes to the new brunch spot in town.
Sean Manaea – This is also a Streamonator call. “What if I just wanted to come by, take in the ambience and maybe eat a fork or two?”
Jalen Beeks – Rockies’ closer committee of Beeks and Tyler Kinley or Jaler Kinks having you wish you didn’t drop the SAGNOF in the shower.
Reed Garrett – There’s also the Adam Ottavino gambit in Metco, but there’s likely better closer speculative grabs available in most leagues. Look at the Bullpen Chart for actual closers.
Andrew Kittredge – This is a bit of a stretch. Ryan keeps going to Helsley with himself. Heard the other day he was tipping his pitches, and I don’t know if that’s true, but if it is and he keeps doing it, it’ll continue to get worse for Helsley.
Jeremiah Estrada – I’m convinced no one can tell you which middle relievers are going to breakout in the preseason. I’m not even sure the teams know. Jeremiah Estrada looks ridiculously good. Ya know, the guy who had 12 walks in 10 2/3 IP last year. Yeah, no one knows.
SELL
Manny Machado – So, this is a bit speculation. Bear with me, if you would–Why are you removing your pants? I said bear with me! Bear! Like the chef show! Put on your pants! So, Machado had elbow surgery, and now is swinging completely different than any point in his career. He’s never had a Launch Angle under 10 degrees before this year. His fly balls are way down, literally. He is grounding everything into the dirt like he’s trying to destroy anthills. My guess is his elbow is bothering him and it’s affecting his swing. Don’t need me to tell you Machado hitting ground balls is basically Yandy Diaz with a .260 average. More like Yucky Diaz. Freakin’ destroyed him! I wouldn’t trade Machado for a submersible cruise to the Titanic wreckage, but I would look at our Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options.
