Dylan Cease (9 IP, 0 ER, 0 hits, 3 walks, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.50) throws a dandy, but you know what else? Dylan Cease is a dandy! Not the 1954 through present-day definition! I don’t know if he dandies like that. I’m saying he’s a dandy like the 1776 through 1953. During 1953 to ’54, the word dandy took an unexpected turn. A totally fine turn if that’s the way you turn. We are not judging turns here! Yesterday, Dylan Cease threw the 2nd no-hitter this year, and there’s guys in the league who could throw a no-hitter every time out or get hit for 4 ER in 5 IP while walking six, and Dylan Cease is that guy! I’d say Dylan Cease could challenge for the Cy Young one of these years, but he has had one of those years already — in 2022, he had a 2.20 ERA in 184 IP. The wild thing here is he actually has better peripherals this year than that year. That year he was a little bit lucky with BABIP, and this year he’s been a little bit unlucky with homers and LOB%, but just barely. He’s basically a 3.25 ERA pitcher with some of the best strikeouts in baseball. A dandy, indeed! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
A.J. Puk – Traded to the DBacks for Deyvison De Los Santos and Andrew Pintar. That’s right, the Marlins got “Oh wow, I thought they said Andrew Painter.” Honestly, though, this is a great trade by the Marlins. What were the DBacks thinking? I hope they weren’t thinking Puk can be moved back to the rotation, because that shizz doesn’t work. They also have a closer and no real chance in the playoffs. Really bizarre move by the DBacks. Puk maintains his value, which is relatively minor. I’d grab Andrew Nardi to handcuff Tanner Scott now, for when he moves. The real huge value change here could be Deyvison De Los Santos. He looks like a future stud. Hitting .289 and a homer every third game in Triple-A right now as a 21-year-old. Deyvison De Los Santos is already stashed in my NL-Only leagues, and could be a big call-up in mixed leagues, if he gets the call. Kinda floored the DBacks gave up Deyvison De Los Santos for essentially a middle reliever. Did the DBacks let AJ Preller guest-GM?
Randy Arozarena – Traded to the Mariners, and going the other way to the Rays were Aidan Smith and Brody Hopkins. WUT! HOT STOVE BABY! Love this shizz! Put it into my veins! Randy’s move to Seattle means he gets closer to fulfilling his one true calling of becoming Randy of the Redwoods. If you know 30-year-old references, well played, old heads! So, The Rice Bowl moves to one of the worst stadiums in baseball, and, man, just when he was getting going. He has 15 homers, and in Seattle that would be 13 homers per Statcast, but you don’t really think of The Rice Bowl as a power bat anyway, and you can see him doing more or less the same in Seattle as he was in Tampa. After all, the Rays were a terrible hitting team too. Maybe Rice can help JRod heal quicker too. One can hope!
Christian Yelich – Will rest and rehab his back rather than have surgery. I’m sure he’ll be fine magically in two weeks.
Anthony Santander – 2-for-5 and his 28th homer, hitting .243. Yeah, he was an omission in my top 100 for the 2nd half. In his last 11 games, hitting near-.330, 5 HRs, 10 RBIs and has moved all eyes to Mountcastle for O’s trade bait for a starter or reliever or both.
Colton Cowser – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 14th homer. Hey, he’s having a nice season, but also the O’s were taking on Roddery Munoz. Was surprised to see Mountcastle not get in on the action. Ya know, “It’s Roddery, my dear Mountcastle.”
Connor Norby – 2-for-4 and his 2nd homer. It’s Norby!
So, here’s what I said last time Connor Norby was called up, “Maybe I’ve watched too many political documentaries but I 100% thought Connor Norby was a Republican strategist. ‘My name is Connor Norby and I’m for tax reform.’ That is not him. Okay, stop me if you’ve heard this before: Orioles’ top prospect was hitting well in the minors–Stop! He had a line of 9/7/.286 in Triple-A in 206 ABs–Stop! His Ks have skyrocketed in Triple-A, and he might just be up until Jorge Mateo returns in 7-10 days…No stop? Hmm, bummer. Don’t drop anyone too crazy for Norby.” And that’s me quoting me! Some of those stats changed since then, but the general sentiment remains. The only real difference is if the trade deadline shakes things up, i.e., Mateo sent somewhere for a middle reliever? Norby sent somewhere for a SP. That sorta thing.
Corbin Burnes – 7 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.39. Early game, so I watched, and he made the Marlins look like a Little League team for most of the game. Otto Lopez struck out on one pitch, and afterwards his dad came out on the field and told him, “It’s okay, let’s go for ice cream.”
Craig Kimbrel – 2/3 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 2.92, and the blown save. This game should’ve ended with Connor Norby going into the Marlins’ clubhouse, and Tanner Scott into the O’s clubhouse.
Forrest Wall – Claimed by the Marlins and Mexico’s gonna pay for him.
Josh Bell – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer, and 3rd homer in four games. Find a hitter who is as hot as Josh Bell with the chance to be traded. Bell will be in this afternoon’s Buy column, because naturally.
Chris Sale – 7 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 2 hits, 1 walk, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.68. He’s going to be so incredibly terrible last year when he’s drafted in the top 50 overall. I will howl.
Francisco Lindor – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 22nd homer, 5th homer in four games. Not only did you not want to draft him, but, if you did, you hated yourself for it.
Brent Rooker – 1-for-5 and his 24th homer, 2nd homer in three games. He’s top 20 on the Player Rater for the year, I picked him up off waivers in my High Stakes Main Event League.
Lawrence Butler – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (11) and legs (7). Don’t wait until the afternoon Buy column to pick up Butler. Please.
Mason Miller – Broke his pinkie punching a table. Ironically, that’s the same reaction everyone has when they’re told their next destination is Sacramento. Most figured Lucas Erceg would get saves for the next month, and he worked the 8th inning (clean, but still). Turd Ferguson got the save–Excuse me Tyler Ferguson (1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 3.97) got his first save. It is Miller’s non-throwing hand, so he might not take that long to return. In other words, how bad do you want saves, Mr. or Mrs. Turd Picker-Upper?
Taj Bradley – 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.43. Last nine starts, 55 IP, 0.82 ERA, 65 Ks, 0.87 WHIP. Watching Taj come into his own has been fun. Hashtag sincere-posting.
Brandon Lowe – 4-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 12th homer, and his 2nd homer in three games, and 6th homer in July. Lowe won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy column, but he’s here now, so do what you must.
Max Scherzer – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.57. Ugh, disappointing start. Oh, not on the surface, but after you run it through the What Did This Pitcher Throw Vs. A Normal Team If That Was What He Threw Vs. The Shite Sox Generator. Scherzer threw a 2 IP, 4 ER vs. a normal team.
Marcus Semien – 2-for-4 and his 15th homer. Semien got into those White Sox. Ew…What is this, American Pie?
Jonathan Cannon – 6 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 1 K, ERA at 4.43. Wouldn’t start Cannon even if the Streamonator liked him and Gavrilo Princip just shot someone.
Jordan Hicks – Sounds like he’s headed to the bullpen. Which team’s is undecided.
Wilmer Flores – Hit the IL with knee tendonitis. David Villar was recalled. That recalling went like this, “Uhh…Do we have someone to fill-in here? David something? Villalobos? Is that his name? Villar! That’s it!”
Clayton Kershaw – 4 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks, as he was activated from the IL. [looking up his minor league numbers] Yikes, he’s 35 years old and just being called up now? I don’t know, guys and five girls. Anyone have any info on this guy? Someone said he has a good curve or something. Okay, to reiterate what I’ve said all week about the returning pitchers: Ray could be an ace, Kershaw is old, and I don’t expect a ton, and I expect Senga to get hurt again and/or stink.
Nick Ahmed – 2-for-4 and his 2nd homer, off his former club, the Giants. Nick Ahmed: Revenge Game! Nick Ahmed says Ahem! Okay, that’s all I have.
Shohei Ohtani – 2-for-4 and his 31st homer. Not bad for a pitcher.
Jordan Lyles – Signed by the Dodgers. They DFA’d James Paxton and signed Lyles? Nah, the Dodgers aren’t scrambling, and willing to send (take your pick from their prospects) for Jameson Taillon, Jack Flaherty or Tarik Skubal. Nope, not at all!
Gavin Williams – 6 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.50. He gave up a home run to Javy Baez, so, sadly, the Guards need to DFA Gavin Williams. [holds hands up as if to say ‘I can’t do anything else for you’]
Javier Baez – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer, hitting .177. That was his 1st homer since April 14th. With his homer, his OPS moves to .460, still the worst in the majors, but only .003 behind Tim Anderson, who was DFA’d by the Marlins three weeks ago. I do not say this lightly, but the collapse of the Cubs’ Big 3 (Rizzo, Bryant, Baez) from 2016 will be studied for generations. Something is up here, and we have not yet uncovered what it is. We need the country to become more of a conspiracy hive about 2016.
