Gerrit Cole made his 2024 debut last night going 4 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks and throwing 62 pitches–Hold on, someone is ringing my phone. “Hello? Kyle Bradish just underwent successful Tommy John surgery with an internal brace procedure? I thought it wasn’t Tommy John if it’s an internal brace, right? You don’t know? Well, neither do I. Bradish will be out until the All-Star Break of 2025? Okay…why are you telling me this right when I’m talking about Gerrit Cole? Hello?” All right, that was A) The weirdest call I’ve had in a while. B) Everyone’s elbow is different. For every 1,000 pitchers who have elbow issues, only 999 need surgery. C) There’s no C. To be an optimist, Bradish needed PRP injections, so his elbow issue was likely worse than Cole’s. To be a pessimist, we’ve gone down this road many times with pitchers attempting to rest and rehab. What I’m saying is if you have Gerrit Cole and can sell him for 75 cents on the dollar, it’s likely better than the nickel you won’t get in a month. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Giancarlo Stanton – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 18th homer. I’ll admit to missing this home run to watch Amazon, because they were playing the Drake Is A Pedophile Charity Concert. I honestly don’t know how a guy comes back from this. The song of the summer is calling him a pedophile. Is there a come back?
Clay Holmes – 1 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 2.53, but back-to-back-to-back games of coughing up runs. Sigh. It feels like this happens to him around the same time every year, right? Get your shizz together!
Tarik Skubal – 4 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 2.60 vs. Reynaldo Lopez – 5 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 1.57. To a Hollywood exec, “Okay, here’s the pitch, pun noted and intended — haha! So, this guy drafts a starter in the top 20 overall and expects good things, but is out-pitched by a starter off waivers. It’s a Skubal comedy.”
Sean Murphy – 4-for-4, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and his 2nd and 3rd homer. [stares at Ben Rice on my team, filling in the catcher spot where Sean Murphy was previously, tears begin to roll down my cheek, enormous globules of salty water sliding into my mouth] Muttering, “I picked my catcher scab and it hurts.”
Ramon Laureano – 2-for-4 and his 2nd homer. Back on PEDs, huh? With Harris II out, Laureano has been hitting 9th and filling in vs. lefties. Not much here if he’s not facing righties.
Mitch Keller – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.11. “After a rocky April, Mitch Keller had an ERA of, like, a negative three. Do the math and figure it out so you don’t sound stupid.” That’s me writing a note to myself to mention Keller’s 2024 dominance after April when someone starts off slow in 2025.
Bryan Reynolds – 1-for-3 and his 10th homer. He’s on pace for a 21-homer season, which is basically what he was projected for in the preseason. At no time during the season, does he get hot or cold. He simply hits one homer every 7.7 games. No more excitement, no less.
Hunter Greene – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 9 Ks, ERA at the 3.35. When the Reds/Pirates game was over in 54 minutes, I thought, “Maybe we’ve taken this too far.”
Jorge Soler – 1-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 9th homer, a grand slam, 2nd homer in four games. Soler’s out, fun’s out! Hmm, works better Anglo’d up.
Colten Brewer – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 3.68, and his 1st save for the Cubs, and 2nd straight game the Cubs went to a reliever who was not Hector Neris. First the Cubs take Counsell, now a guy named Brewer? Hey, if you like Milwaukee so much, why don’t you marry it? No lie, I had three tabs open when Brewer came in: Keegan Thompson’s stats, Cubs’ depth chart and a Cubs’ beat writer’s Twitter, i.e., I don’t know who is closing for the Cubs. Brewer seems ill-equipped, Neris more so. Maybe a committee until they trade for Tanner Scott?
Dansby Swanson – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 8th homer, and 2nd homer in two games, hitting .214. If Swanson was dropped in your league (for good reason!), he seems to have a schmotato thing going on.
Ian Happ – 2-for-4 and his 9th homer, hitting .238, 2nd homer in three games, 3rd homer in five games. Ian Happiness.
Tanner Bibee – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 3.65. Singing Bibee’s name to Baby Come Back on Yacht Rock radio. It flips to Summer Breeze by Seals & Croft. IT MAKES ME FEEL FINE! Ugh, I don’t love chasing strikeouts, but when they come in doves like a bunch of horny pigeons–[intern whispers in ear]–what’s that? It’s droves? Not doves? Oh, okay. Any hoo! Bibee is a 11 K/9, barely 2 BB/9 and would be an ace if he weren’t unlucky on homers allowed, though, in fairness, can you be unlucky on homers allowed?
Josh Naylor – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 18th and 19th homer. A double dip of Yaylor!
Steven Kwan – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer. No one is making anything of it, because he doesn’t qualify for the batting title YET (caps for emphasis), but Kwan is hitting .397, is thirty ABs from qualifying for the batting title, and is leading the league by 70-plus points. Though, if Royce Lewis stays healthy–Haha, I’m just playin’!
Bryan Woo – 4 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 1.67. I was watching Anatomy of a Murder the other night and Jimmy Stewart talked about pitching woo, and I was like, “Yeah, for four IP.”
Brayan Bello – 6 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.83. I think Bello is going to be great, and I’m all for guys getting whatever money they can get. With that said (Grey’s turning around the ship!), it is so funny the Sawx gave Bello the huge contract and not one of their — pitching better — starters.
Enmanuel Valdez – 2-for-3, 3 runs and his 6th homer. That’s his 3rd homer in June and he’s hitting around .320 this month. It was Exxon, but you want to be *pinkie to mouth* Getty’ing Valdez.
Jarren Duran – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and a slam (6) and double legs (18, 19). Top 35-ish on the Player Rater, and easily one of the best value draft picks.
Kevin Gausman – 5 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.24. He got cooked in one year. It happens. Guys get old. Gausman got old.
Jesse Winker – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer. Been roughly around a top 25 outfielder on the Player Rater. In somewhat related news, Eddie Rosario is hitting third for the Nats, and is hitting .184. It’s June 19th.
Brandon Pfaadt – 6 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 0 Ks, ERA at 4.37. Zero strikeouts? What is this, 1896 before strikeouts were invented and baseball was played by coughing consumption on opposing players?
Jackson Merrill – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 8th homer, 3rd homer in eight days. A week if you’re a Beatle, and hot if you’re a thermostat.
Matt Waldron – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.46. Teammate Michael King is better overall for fantasy, because of Ks, but Waldron feels safer. Streamonator also loves his next start.
Bryce Harper – 2-for-4 and his 16th and 17th homer. Congrats on the birth of his 16th and 17th child this year!
Ranger Suarez – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 1.75. One pitcher with a sub-2 ERA halfway through mid-June feels possible. Multiple feels nuts, so I went back and looked at last two years. Last year, there were none. In 2022, there were seven. So, it’s not as nuts as I thought. (This year there’s “only” three.) For what it’s Wuertz, there were 26 sub-3 ERA in 2022, and 22 this year. (This all was with a 50 IP minimum through June 19th.)
Nolan Gorman – 1-for-4 and his 16th homer, hitting .202. NoGo make ball gogo or makes pitcher’s job easy for no-no.
Nolan Arenado – X-rays came back negative on his elbow after he was hit by a pitch. Doctors said, “He can’t swing a worse bat anyway.”
Kyle Gibson – Scratched with a sore back. For moments like that I haven’t trimmed my fingernails since 2003.
Jesus Sanchez – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 6th homer, and 2nd homer in two games. I reluctantly must call Jesus a hot schmotato. Amen among mortals.
Bryan De La Cruz – 1-for-4 and his 13th homer, 2nd homer in three games. BDLC! [doorbell rings] Hmm, hold on. Grubhub? I didn’t order any–What? Siri told my Uber app I ordered a Bacon, Dettuce and Lomato on Cruztini? Okay, thanks.
Zack Gelof – 1-for-4 and his 7th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games, and 2nd time in as many games me talking about how I said Gelof was a buy low a couple weeks ago.
Bobby Miller – 6 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 6.00. One thing I didn’t want to see? Miller be so bad I wasn’t sure if I could start him next week.
Freddy Peralta – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.06. I would say that of course he looked good, because he was going against the Island of Misfit Toys in Anaheim, but with FreddyKBB, it’s a tossup what you’re going to get no matter the opponent.
Tyler Black – Was recalled by the Brewers. He’s killed it for two years now in Triple-A and for three years in the minors, but still it makes no sense why he was called up now. I mean, he should’ve started the year with the team. Called up now, because. Dot dot dot. S’s and g’s? Is there a reason? Well, whatever. I’m intrigued, because of course I am! He went 18/55 last year and has 40+ steal speed with no reason why he can’t hit for a decent average with some pop. Will he play? I don’t know.
Tyler Anderson – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at…Guess what his ERA is. Go ahead! Guess! No, you’re off by about two runs per nine. It’s 2.48! My kingdom for all Tyler Andersons on my fantasy team.
Hunter Brown – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.72. He now has allowed one run in the last 19 IP, and 7 ER dating back the last 37 IP. Like he’s about to kick a field goal, Brown’s got a good run going.
Andrew Heaney – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.21. On this week’s podcast, BDon tried to get me to agree to picking up Heaney and I cackled from the depths of hell.
Sean Manaea – 5 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.16. Anyone else think it was weird that the Mets/Rangers game was even played? Why not let Grimace just go out there and drop his grape-shaped donk on the mound and not leave until the Rangers forfeit? Welp, Mets Mets’d up. Any hoo! Streamonator for Manaea.
Pete Alonso – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 16th homer. Albombso!
Joe Ryan – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.13. Yes, in the back of my mind I’m worried Ryan is going to begin to shizz the bed like last year. I can’t help myself.
Royce Lewis – 3-for-4 and his 8th homer, hitting .380. If Royce Lewis stays healthy, he’s going to hit 200 homers this year.
Taj Bradley – 6 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.06, as he threw 104 pitches. Taj Mah-ace! Okay, Taj Mah-thirdstarterwhoisiffyattimes didn’t sound as good.
Isaac Paredes – 2-for-3 and his 11th homer. I thought he had, like, 15 homers. That makes me think of something. Ya know what would be a fun fantasy league? You get 12 players together, they draft, and then a 13th buddy guesses everyone’s stats. “Well, I know Goldschmidt is a 30-homer hitter, so I’ll give him that…Luis Gil? Never heard of him. I’ll give him a 6.50 ERA.” Or you know which team the 13th buddy roots for so you stack your team with them. “I’m a huge Jays fan, so I’m giving Bichette a 25/25 season. I don’t care what he did. I’m the commish!” Or because he knows the Jays he hates Bo even more, so he gives him all zeroes. Could be a fun wrinkle.
