The potato crops will be up soon. Should be sustenance for the next six months. We have someone down by the landing port who rattles off potato dishes like he’s Bubba from Forrest Gump. Potato casserole, crispy potatoes, Hasselback potatoes, mashed potatoes, potato pierogis…And on and on. He started in June and has been going for 15 months, minus that one week he had food poisoning when he tried recycled potatoes. It’s the only entertainment here on Mars. Well, that and Jasson Dominguez. We hear he’s headed back to the majors soon, sadly. We’ll miss him, like we miss days warmer than -100 degrees in temperature, but you can’t have it all when you live on Mars. Jasson Dominguez aka The Martian, named because he’s from Mars, is currently ripping it up in the minors. For those with the memory of a hummingbird, Dominguez is ridiculous. Last year, he hit four homers in eight games. He currently is hitting as well in the minors. I don’t know where he plays — do you just bench Verdugo? Giancarlo? They’re healthy and hitting well. I don’t know what happens, but Jasson Dominguez is too good to be sitting in the minors. We could see him at any moment. My guess is by the end of this month, but if Giancarlo goes down with an oblique, it could be sooner. Plus, the days on Mars are a bit longer, so if you do the math, it’s even sooner than sooner! Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
PSYCHE! This post was released on Wednesday for Patreon members. It will be released all year early for Patreons, so if people are getting a jump on you, it’s because they paid the $10. Anyway, the Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell:
BUY
David Fry – Opening up a Fry restaurant where every dish is even more delectable because everyone who prepares the dishes has catcher eligibility. Yum.
Jake Rogers – He’s been about twice as valuable as Carson Kelly and appears to be the back up to Carson Kelly, because: Reasons.
Justyn-Henry Malloy – Already gave you my Justyn-Henry Malloy fantasy. If Hinch plays Gio Urshela at 1st base and benches Justyn-Henry, then may I suggest he [censored] and when he’s done shoving that up his [censored] could he reach up into his [censored] and [censored].
Luke Raley – Prolly one of the most boring guys who keeps appearing in the Buy column, but also one of those guys most likely to have rest of the season value.
Jeimer Candelario – He was hot, but in Coors, and now he’s not in Coors so [long sigh] maybe a hot bat.
Brendan Rodgers – See what I said for Jeimer, but add in “plays all his home games in Coors.”
Nolan Gorman – Given up on ESPN’s ownership numbers this year as mentioned previously, but sometimes I look again. Gorman is at 23% rostered in ESPN, and 100% here. I mean, c’mon.
Connor Norby – Already gave you my Connor Norby fantasy. It was written while squealing in delight.
Enmanuel Valdez – Just looked at his almost ten-year journey through the minors and majors, that started at 17, and has he considered the KBO?
Ceddanne Rafaela – When I was writing this up, Ceddanne Rafaela was about as valuable as a third outfielder on the Player Rater, and, on the shortstop front, better than Oneil Cruz, Nico Hoerner, and Dansby, to name a few shortstops who are hurting you so delicately it’s gaslit you into thinking better things are coming.
Casey Schmitt – “So this is nuts, but…” That’s someone looking at pics of Schmitt in his Fanatics uniform. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, leave Google AI alone, it does not need to see that. Respct your AI!
Josh H. Smith – When Triston Casas went down, I replaced him with Josh Hulkhogan Smith, and have only looked back at Casas once every fifteen minutes or so.
Matt Vierling – Fun fact! A Vierling is a little Vier. That’s not the same as Lil’ Vier, who is a trap rapper or simply a trapper.
Mark Vientos – Was very close to making Vientos the lede this week, but I went with a prospect stash, because the other ones like Coby Mayo, James Wood and Jackson Holliday did so well.
Jose Miranda – All I’ll say is Jose Miranda is hitting, and you don’t see shizz from Jose Samantha, Jose Carrie or Jose Charlotte. Miranda Tribe rise up!
Jose Siri – From Jose Miranda to Jose Siri, i.e., Joe Mama to Joe Assistant.
Miguel Andujar – Jonah Hill and Billy Beane saw what no one else saw, except for the Yankees fans who used to say trade Miguel Andujar for, like, other teams top players.
Nelson Velazquez – His peripherals don’t look as good as last year, which led me to write a sleeper post for him in the preseason. He’s making way less successful contact. With that said, he’s been hot.
Blake Perkins – Mr. Perkins was my father, please, call me [melts into a puddle] B. Lake. He has 30+ steal speed and has been playing every day.
Alec Burleson – Random prediction alert! Burleson is a preseason sleeper next year.
Jesus Sanchez – Ya know who can walk all over B. Lake? Jesus! (For power, at least, and maybe counting stats, though the Marlins are iffy.)
Heliot Ramos – Thinking back to when everyone wanted Luis Matos and laughing at them. A good hearty laugh! Wait, why am I laughing at myself? That hurts.
Austin Hays – He really should be playing over Cedric the HRtainer, but will he? This, friend, is what will happen…uh…sorry, this Magic Eight Ball needs new batteries. One second.
Jesse Winker – He’s on pace for a 15/30 season. Zoinks!
TJ Friedl – If healthy, he is a top 40 outfielder, easily. Prolly closer to top 30. Should be rostered in 100% of leagues. In the phrase “if healthy,” there is the whole enchilada of cheese.
Kyle Gibson – This is a Streamonator call, like the call it makes to the cable company.
Sean Manaea – This is also a Streamonator call. “I think I misunderstood Love on the Spectrum and I need a new DVR.”
Reed Garrett – Is the Mets’ closer, likely, but Jake Diekman coming into games when there’s a lefty-heavy 9th shows Carlos Mendoza is not afraid of mixing and matching when it comes to securing a 100-loss season for the Mets.
Yimi Garcia – Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary defines a Yippee as an exclamation of delight. It defines a Yimi as the sound made when holding your breath that Yimi Garcia will continue to be good and not relinquish the Jays’ closer job to Chad Green.
Ryne Stanek – [saw Munoz went down in a collision at the plate, went to pick up his handcuff from waivers, but he was gone, so I began singing Steely Dan] No Stanek at all…
Hunter Harvey – Telling you to start stashing Harvey because Finnegan absolutely is being traded, but here’s hoping I don’t rear-end myself after getting out in front of myself.
Cade Smith – Here’s your middle reliever pickup of the week, but he should’ve likely been rostered for months. His peripherals are what happens when you take the guy who is on fire on the Pink Floyd Wish You Were Here album cover and have him at the Burning Man Festival while drinking fireballs to wash down Ghost Peppers.
SELL
Seth Lugo – I love Seth Lugo. I told you to draft Seth Lugo! Forget picking him up. You know I was all about that. But, how do I put this in the most rational way possible: Imagine you removed the roof above you, then floated up 30,000 feet, saw a Boeing plane missing a door, and float-swam in the air into plane. After some discussion with the flight crew about where you came from, you sit in a window seat, and then on that plane’s wing you see Seth Lugo. That’s how far above his head he’s pitching. He’s a 3.50 ERA pitcher. That’s respectable! He is not a 2.13 ERA pitcher. I wouldn’t trade Lugo for gambling advice from Tucupita Marcano, but I would look at our Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options.
