To succeed in chaos, one must embrace chaos. The chaos of the universe, the chaos of the atom. It’s all chaotic. None of it as chaotic as the Mets, however. In the Metiverse, they take their worst hitter and make him their leadoff hitter. They take the best closer and make him bad. They pretend their mascots are married when they haven’t lived with each other for decades. Okay, that might be Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman, but it seems to be Mr. and Mrs. Met. Look at how she looks at the players! Yesterday, Francisco Lindor (4-for-4, and a slam, his 9th, and legs, his 7th) had a solid game. For him this year, it was a great game! While his numbers aren’t screaming Buy Low, they’re whispering it. He should not be this bad. A buy low could work out for you. Uh-oh, he’s in the Metiverse, and now Lindor is throwing his glove into the stands and getting DFA’d like Jorge Lopez. Stay out of the Metiverse! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
J.D. Martinez – 1-for-3 and his 4th homer, hitting .273. Just Dong because you want to get off the Mets.
Christian Scott – 5 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.90. He looked incredibly meh, but that’s no indication of anything. He’s young, susceptible to roofies, and could’ve been much worse. Or better.
Reed Garrett – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 2.54, as he got his 3rd save. It’s always incredible to me how long it takes MLB managers to figure out the most obvious. Garrett is your best choice to close games if Edwin isn’t working? Yeah, no dur.
Zac Gallen – Left yesterday’s game after 6 pitches. Seemed to be his hamstring. “Hello, Stampford Doctors place? It’s Stanford and it’s a hospital? Oh, okay. Anyway, can pitchers pitch while in a bubble? Hello?” Geez, they hung up.
Jack Flaherty – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.46. [getting in the back of an Uber that is a cardboard box made from pasted together Jack Flaherty baseball cards] Okay, Flaherty, take me everywhere. [waving to neighbor] Hey, Bill! Flaherty takes me everywhere. [waving to other neighbor] Hey, Susan. It’s Flaherty! Takes me everywhere! Why am I wearing Joker makeup? Because I benched him yesterday. Haha, sonvabenched! No, you have a good day! [lays on a cardboard horn and makes honking noise with mouth as the neighbors discuss calling the mental hospital] So, Jack Flaherty continued to look like an ace, even when I knew that, and didn’t trust him, because I like ulcers. As I’ve said before, Flaherty’s peripherals look like that of a top five starter. He’s basically better than Tarik Skubal if you cover his ERA. Even if doing well yesterday, I would buy him high. I am crazy about him. [screaming at kids] Clear the sidewalk! I’m driving my cardboard car here!
Akil Baddoo – 1-for-4 and his 1st homer. Yabba dabba Baddoo!
Riley Greene – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer, hitting .234. The life of Riley, this guy!
Nick Pivetta – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.08. Streamonator likes his next start vs. the Braves, and as much as it surprises me, I can’t disagree.
Christopher Morel – 2-for-4 and his 10th homer, and, as someone who rosters him let me say, that felt like the first positive game from him since the eclipse. Luckily, he is the type to get scalding hot for a week.
Seiya Suzuki – 1-for-2, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer. “Thank you for joining me on this rooftop. I will now show you how a feather and a dead body take the same amount of time to fall–Hold up! Seiya moved! He’s alive!” The month of May: 2 HRs, .209. He wasn’t even a starter yesterday, replacing:
Pete Crow-Armstrong – 0-for-2, as he was recalled, but was pulled when a lefty came in, which is such goofy over-managing. If Seiya is only facing lefties, then, woo-boy, that’s bad. I don’t know that, but better monocle. PCA was ripping it up in the minors (5/10/.255 in 110 ABs), but contact is still clearly an issue. Not convinced he can hit above .230, though with power and speed it might not matter.
Cody Bellinger – 2-for-4 and his 8th homer, hitting .267. No sweat, no struggle, only strain for Cody is purple kush.
Jameson Taillon – 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.84. Ay, the Cubs haven’t started a Taillon since Rizzo. Ay oh! Streamonator hates his next, I don’t disagree.
Logan Gilbert – 6 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.29. Going into this game, the Mariners had won 54% of their games, the number Dipoto wanted them to win, and they were in 1st place in the AL West. My point? Well, I don’t really have one.
Spencer Arrighetti – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 5.98. Arrighetti twirled a Quality Start, without the help of a spoon. My Italian grandfather used to see strangers using a spoon to twirl pasta and he’d stop at their table and tell them they’re embarrassing themselves. Ah, he would’ve loved Arrighetti.
Victor Caratini – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer. Word of wisdom: Don’t play gin with Caratini.
Alex Bregman – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .218. You waiting for Bregman to be great, while people like Edmundo Sosa are even better? Umm, I don’t know, homey.
Clarke Schmidt – Hit the IL with “We really need to have starters in the playoffs, so let’s shut down Schmidt right now, then we’ll do the same with Luis Gil in June.” Yanks are saying Schmidt is shut down for four to six weeks.
Logan O’Hoppe – 1-for-4 and his 7th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. O’Hotschmotato.
Aaron Judge – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 18th homer, hitting .273. Judge is on pace for 55 homers. Ya know, the guy having an off year.
MJ Melendez – 1-for-3 and his 5th homer, hitting .176. Royals are exceeding expectations in every way. They feel like the DBacks of last year. Everyone is contributing. Well, everyone, except Michael Jordan Melendez. This was just his 2nd hit in ten days.
Vinnie Pasquantino – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer. Ay yo Vinnie Pasketti with the bada boom!
Daniel Lynch IV – 5 IP, 2 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 2 Ks, ERA at 1.50. There is something Lynchian about having Roman numerals after your name, so I guess that tracks.
Chris Paddack – 5 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.57. “Pack it up, Paddack in, this fantasy league I’m not going to win…” That’s Everlast of House of Pain.
Ryan Jeffers – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 11th and 12th homer, hitting .254. Has seven homers in May (the ol’ 42-homer pace), but was hitting .192 in the same time.
Ray Kerr – 3 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 5.82. Braves are not a good team if they’re starting Raymond Kerr every 5th day. That’s my Perry Mason moment.
Trevor Williams – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.22. “Ladies and gentlemen, now for your NL All-Star Game starter…Trevor Williams!”
Jose Siri – 2-for-5, and his 4th and 5th homer, hitting .188. Now has two straight games of multiple hits, and a multi-homer game goes a long way to a hot schmotato. He won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy column, but he’s here now.
Isaac Paredes – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer. He was good last year, and is good again. That’s called trusting pre-existing IP.
Hogan Harris – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.14159265. Sadly, he had to contend with Mason Miller (2 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 2.08), blowing the game. Not cool, doesn’t he want the A’s to get back good prospects when he’s traded?
Shea Langeliers – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer, hitting .211. Fun fact! He lost branding rights and now goes by Citifield Langeliers.
Zack Gelof – 1-for-5 and his 5th steal, hitting .176. Said in the preseason that I would’ve wrote a overrated post for Gelof, but he didn’t even warrant one, he was so bad. People were aghast! Aghast, I tell ya! One person said to a friend, “Did Grey really say that about Zack Gelof? The Zack Gelof?!” while they were at a red light, then, so lost in thought, the light turned green, but they just sat there, mumbling. Finally, they said, “Hold my hand and let’s Thelma and Louise off a cliff,” and their friend said, “Over Zack Gelof? Are you crazy? Let me out of this car.”
