Junior Caminero was called up. Here’s what I said last year when he was called up:
“Vroom, vroom, get in my Caminero!” A guy who is wearing an 18-karat, Italian horn around his neck going over the Brooklyn Bridge.
vs.
“Vroom, vroom, get in on Junior Caminero!” A guy pushing the glasses back off the bridge of his nose.
Similar, but not entirely. Junior Caminero is not the tiny car that Spanish boys drive when they’re five years old and first start growing out their mustaches. The Junior Caminero goes vroom vroom but it only does it when a nearby father makes the noise. Junior Caminero also is a top five prospect for all of baseball what on earth are the Rays doing calling him up right now on…*starts singing* Do you remembah? The 21st of Septembah? Do you remembah? It’s not the 1st of Septembah? Do you remembah? Rays? Hello? We’re seriously asking. So, here’s what Itch’s said, ‘He’ll finish up 2023 at 20 years old with 31 home runs across two levels, 20 of those coming in 80 Double-A games during which he slashed .314/.379/.557 with a 17.1 percent strikeout rate. And Grey will be hunted this winter.’ What? He ranked Caminero 6th overall in the top 25 prospects. I’d grab him in all leagues, and now I’m particularly excited about 2024, if Junior Caminero can break camp.” And that’s me quoting me quoting Itch! So, here we are yet again. Junior Caminero’s swing packs a punch with bat speed that adds up to incredible exit velocity — 93 average MPH; 56.5 HardHit%, 109.7 MPH 90th-percentileEV. All of those numbers compare favorably to Wood. The big takeaway there is a bit too much on the ground. Could he be Yandy at the Rays’ other corner? P to the erhaps. Likely more of a Vlad Jr. He looks like a 35-homer, .300 hitter if everything works. Vroom, vroom! Grab him everywhere! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Zebby Matthews. – Called up by the Twins to start.
[wearing clown makeup, putting on a flower that squirts water, talking to another clown]
“Was Zebby the one who didn’t talk and only honked a horn?”
“I think that was Harpo.”
“Gotcha…Hey, you never answered me on that trade proposal I sent you?”
“Judge for two closers? What, am I clown?”
Zebby has pinpoint command. Like insane. A 114:7 K:BB. A 16.3 K/BB, a 28.6 K-BB%, 0.87 WHIP. Oh. Okay. He had a 1.9% walk rate and a 2.31 FIP in 97 IP between three levels of the minors this year. I really do wonder if I was so on the cusp this year saying pitchers need command first and foremost with the pitch clock. I invented modern baseball! Okay, maybe not invented, but I did clue in on how walks are now more important in baseball than Ks. Something that wasn’t true as recently as three years ago. He has a 95.5 MPH fastball (28.8% Whiff%), can throw six pitches for strikes (28.9% Whiff% on all pitches), and the 85.7 MPH slider had a 47% Whiff% in the minors. I’d grab Zebby in all leagues to see how he performs. Zebby! [honks horn]
Pablo Lopez – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.67. A totally fine start, but why be here if I can’t quibble? Even in a solid start, he still gave up another unearned run. If his opponent, Brady Singer – 5 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.32 — didn’t do a number two in the bed, then ask you to change the sheets, Pab-Lo would’ve been in trouble. Also, you can’t complain about Singer. He has a 3.32 ERA. That’s so much better than you thought you were getting in mid-August.
Royce Lewis – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 15th homer. This was his 16th at-bat this year.
Willi Castro – 1-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 9th homer. Have him in one league for the steals. Two this month. So far! Optimism!
Bobby Witt Jr. – 1-for-3 and his 23rd homer, hitting .347. Aaron Judge who?! He’s an out–Not now Random Italicized Voice. Ooh, someone’s testy.
Jordan Walker – 0-for-3 as he was recalled from the minors. There’s a name I haven’t heard in a while. He had a 44.4% ground ball rate in Triple-A this year with nine homers in 78 games. Looking at his build, he should have 45 homers in Triple-A and just pound everyone. He was better recently (15-for-43, 3 2B, 3 HR since Aug 1) with a new open stance, and I could see grabbing him everywhere in case he figured his shizz out. I’m dubious until we see it.
Sonny Gray – 5 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.93. When the matchups get tough, Gray runs into a corner and cries like a little baby that had his woobie taken from him. Him Gray, not me Grey. Clearly. I was voted the machoiest man with IBS.
Andrew Abbott – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.59. His ERA is not only 30-ish points better than Sonny Gray, he beat him head to head. So why did I drop Abbott for Gray, am I stupid? Mirror? Hello! I’m talking to you!
Spencer Steer – 2-for-3, 5 RBIs and a double slam (17, 18), and legs (19). Guess what he’s batting. Go ahead! Hints: 10.3% walk rate, 20.4% K%. Guesses? .237! Woof. Make less bad contact, my man.
Elly De La Cruz – 2-for-4 and his 21st homer. His K% is 31.6, and he’s hitting .266. Damn, Steer.
Taj Bradley – 4 1/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.49. Okay, shut him down! I’ve seen enough!
Framber Valdez – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.38. It’s impressive how he threw 101 pitches in 5 2/3. Economical as the Alan Greenspan biography I use as a doorstop.
Alex Bregman – 1-for-5 and his 18th homer, hitting .260, and three straight games with a homer and he reached 1,000 career hits. If he plays until he’s 57, he will be a 1st ballot HOFer.
Yainer Diaz – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 12th homer, hitting .299. This game was in Tampa, so kinda not relevant, but how a righty with power can only have seven homers at home with those silly boxes in left.
Jarren Duran – Was suspended for two games for yelling f*ggot while being miked on TV. Hopefully he picks his spots to run better.
Brayan Bello – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.97. I started looking at my standings points yesterday and my conclusion was, “I ain’t got nothing to lose, I’m starting Bello.” Hello, broken clock, here’s your time to be right!
Tyler Mahle – 4 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.79. T. Mahle giving a faint case of indigestion, but the seven Ks was like a sweet, sweet kaopectate, no relation to the Dodgers’ reliever.
Corey Seager – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 26th homer, hitting .277. Was watching this game because I like to punish myself by watching Bello, and, can I say, Seager’s swing is gorge. He’s so effortless.
Blake Snell – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, 3 walks, 11 Ks, ERA at 3.91. Post-All-Star Break Snell really is Bob Gibson. It’s crazy the pre-All-Star Break Blake Snell is Kyle Gibson.
Chris Sale – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 12 Ks, ERA at 2.61. My overrated post for Sale next year is gonna hit like crack.
Jazz Chisholm Jr. – Going for tests on his sore elbow. Jazz playing a familiar tune.
Luis Gil – 4 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 3.25. Writing this before the game, “Have a juicy two-start week from Gil. First game was the White Sox, so that was likely 7 IP, 19 Ks, and zero hits. I’m coasting on good vibes, baby!” After the game, “WT actual F.”
Brooks Baldwin – 1-fro-4, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer, as the White Sox beat the Yanks by ten runs. I am literally a skull and crossbones. I am dead and floating outside of my body. I have transcended bodies.
Amed Rosario – Designated for assignment. They said Ahmed and someone heard Amed, right? DFA’ing Amed is some rich team problems if I’ve ever heard it. Rosario getting DFA’d when I still have him on a mixed league team is nuts. About 29 teams could use him. Will be interesting to see where he goes.
Mookie Betts – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and a slam (11) and legs (10), as he was activated from the IL. Kevin from ESPN’s “Get Him In Your Lineup” Department said, “I realized today that I don’t like coconuts. Too hairy.”
Shohei Ohtani – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (36) and legs (33), hitting .298. He’s headed for a 40/40 season without breaking a sweat. Don’t take it for granted.
Clayton Kershaw -5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.50 vs. Freddy Peralta – 6 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.11. This matchup was billed as, “One guy who is gutting it out and one guy who couldn’t gut a sardine.” It is truly illustrative how Kershaw with what? 50%? He outpitched Peralta. You know FreddyKBB is going to have the long-awaited Cy-type year next year when I am so out everywhere.
William Contreras – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer, hitting .286. Not sure I’ve mentioned this once outside of on the pod briefly: Contreras has played in 114 games, the Brewers played 117. He’s a catcher. Okay, he DHs a bunch, but still.
Leo Jimenez – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. Fun fact! Leo Jimenez is who your dad thinks was traded to the Orioles.
Bowden Francis – 7 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit, zero walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.92. Bid on him in FAAB this week, but didn’t get him. Because the universe is conspiring against me. In fairness to the universe, I didn’t bid that high, and the Streamonator hates his next one. The positives are his command is top notch, so his iffy strikeouts would play if he avoids homers, which he doesn’t always avoid. High risk, low reward.
Will Wagner – 3-for-4, 1 run, 1 RBI as he was called up by the Jays. This is Billy Wagner’s kid. Wagner came to be on the Jays with the loss of Cavan Biggio. The only way Wagner can leave now is if Morgan Ensberg Jr. stops being an accountant and gets traded to the Jays.
Mickey Moniak – 1-for-2 and his 8th homer, hitting over-.400 in the last week. Hot schmotato alert!
Jo Adell – 1-for-3 and his 18th homer. Seen a lot of talk about Adell quietly coming into his own. Maybe. He is hitting .273 in the last month and .300+ in August. Not ruling anything out, but he is hitting 9th on a bad team.
Joe Musgrove – 4 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 1 K, ERA at 5.20, as he was activated from the IL and threw 63 pitches. Meh, I still don’t trust him, if being honest, but what’s the price now? Off waivers? Sure. Cost of doing business as very cool business types say.
Ian Happ – 1-for-2, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 20th homer, 3rd homer in four games, and yesterday was his birthday. That makes his father Bryce Harper. I won’t be taking questions at this time.
Pete Crow-Armstrong – 1-for-5, and his 4th homer. Steals are usually his bag, and he’s hitting near-.350 in August, so schmotato.
Jhonkensy Noel – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 7th and 8th homer, hitting .250. JHONK if you love Big Christmas!
Ben Lively – 3 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.71. That’s the kinda stinker I can rebound from. I’m farting in your direction, Sonny Gray. Streamonator didn’t like yesterday’s or his next.
Steven Kwan – 1-for-2, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer, hitting .326. He has an 8.6% K%. Emoji whose eyes fall out and roll into a nearby sewer and the emoji says, “Hey, anyone see my eyes?”
Brandon Pfaadt – 7 IP, 4 ER, 8 hits, zero walks, 11 Ks, ERA at 3.98. On one hand, 11 Ks is not nothing. On the other hand, this was vs. the Suckies. On a third hand that is a mitten on a mop handle, he still got the win.
Kris Bryant – Hit the KB with a back strain. Oh, in related news, MLB renamed the Injured List to the Kris Bryant List.
