Pirates’ doubleheader didn’t start well with Jared Jones going 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.69. Hey, Regression Fairies, I hate you. The first game was all Tarik Skubal (7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.01). Why can’t every one-time top prospect pitcher, who hasn’t broken out, break out like Tarik? Not to answer but to sadly nod. Then it started to brighten for the Pirates in the 2nd game, Paul Skenes going 6 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.45. 12.3 K/9, 2.1 BB/9 in 22 IP in MLB. Almost like he could’ve been pitching in the majors for a while now. But the big stars yesterday for both teams were Matt Vierling (4-for-8, 3 runs, 5 RBIs and his 6th and 7th homer, hitting .289, as he bats 2nd). He’ll be in Friday’s Buy column, because BOY’S HOT. Waiver wire column already available to Patreons. And, on the Pirates side of things, Nick Gonzales (4-for-8, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer, hitting .313). We’re crazy about Nico, but don’t underestimate our love for Ni-Go. Nah’mean, my main Ni-Go?! [Cancel Police break down my front door with German Shepherds and, for some reason, Shepard Fairey] “Ow! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it! Geez, easier to cancel me than my MLB.TV subscription, huh? Sorry, does that cancel me more? Ow, my arm! Hey, why is Shepard Fairey here?” Then Shepard Fairey leans down and yells, “Obey!” Listen to Fairey and grab Vierling and/or Ni-Go, please. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Andrew McCutchen – 3-for-8, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 8th homer. He’s now homered in all four of Skenes’s starts. Talk about taking a guy under your wing. Or…hey, I have an idea, let’s see what Cutch does if Livvy is there when Skenes doesn’t pitch.
Kerry Carpenter – Hit the IL with lumbar spine inflammation. Sounds like he needs to visit Kerry Chiropractor.
Junior Caminero – Hit the MiLB IL with a quad strain. Bad week to quit sniffing glue and a worse week to stash top prospects.
Kyle Harrison – 5 IP, 4 ER, 12 hits, 1 walk, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.15, as he tied his owners to the WHIPping post. Need a Harrison Fjord between me and waivers when I see him in a good matchup.
Kyle Schwarber – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and a slam (11) and legs (4), hitting .246. Does The Schwarbomb have a huge June like he always does? Then I might have to eat my hat that he was overrated in the preseason. Luckily, I’m wearing a giant tortilla chip cowboy hat.
Nick Castellanos – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer, hitting .208. The Greek God of 87.7 MPH Contact! Hmm, doesn’t have the same ring.
Cristopher Sanchez – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.83. Don’t see how you can bench him until his ERA is over 3. That is a shoutout to the people that ask if they should start him. Hey, you!
Braxton Garrett – 5 IP, 1 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 2 Ks, ERA at 4.56. I watched it and there was some help here that made his line meh vs. eh. Just very mediocre. Don’t think that’s indicative of him going forward, but this start was not it.
Jesus Sanchez – 2-for-5, and his 3rd homer. Marlins scored a lot of runs (for them), and you look at their lineup for who did something good and you’re left like it’s 30 minutes after you’ve eaten Chinese.
Yu Darvish – 3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 3.20. He was lifted after 66 pitches, so he can throw 133 pitches next time. Right? No? Oh, I see. He had a sore hammy.
Ha-Seong Kim – 1-for-3 and his 7th homer, hitting .214 out of the 9-hole. The 9-hole is porn for “a fleshlight found in the garbage.”
David Peterson – 5 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks, as he returns from hip surgery. He will no longer sling slang like phat after it’s cool and will now say no cap. Been a fan of Peterson for a while. The stuff is there, but the results haven’t been close. Guessing the Mets are sellers and Peterson will be a part of their 2nd half rotation, but right now I don’t know how he factors in.
Edwin Diaz – Hit the Ineffective List. Kinda comical they thought they were actually stopping fake injuries. Any hoo! Reed Garrett then Adam Ottavino, that’s how I’d go for spec saves. Ottavino was first in line, until he gave up 4 ER yesterday in 1/3 IP, which hurt in the league where I have him.
Jorge Lopez – 1/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 3.76, and, frustrated with himself, he chucked his glove into the stands, then in the clubhouse he called himself the “worst teammate on the worst team,” then was DFA’d. If I’m on the Mets and I hear someone say this then get DFA’d, I’d say the exact same thing today. We all know Jorge’s getting claimed by the Phils, and about to post a 1.20 ERA the rest of the way. We know this, right?
Will Smith – 3-for-5, 3 runs, and his 8th and 9th homer, and 2nd and 3rd homer in two games. Check out this guy trying to be David Fry!
Shohei Ohtani – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 14th homer. Bang the over!
Gunnar Henderson – 1-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 18th homer. MVP! clap-clap-clapclapclap! clap-clap-clapclapclap!
Kutter Crawford – 6 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.29. More like Kut him. I kid. This was an awful matchup, so sigh and hope his next one is better.
Tyler O’Neill – Hit the IL. You, sir, are no Austin Riley! He never ILs and just returns in 13 days still injured.
Spencer Schwellenbach – 5 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks. Just gave you my Spencer Schwellenbach fantasy. Watched him, because I like to get goosed up on rookie fever, and I wasn’t disappointed. Pumping 97, slider’ing 87, and daddy cooks with a change. Super intrigued here, and am grabbing him in 15-team mixed leagues, but prolly monocle’ing in 12-teamers.
Ramon Laureano – Signed with the Braves. Kelenic is hitting .143 vs. lefties, so they brought in Laureano, who was hitting .143 vs. everyone.
MacKenzie Gore – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.91. How’s that Gore sleeper treating you? Yummo or you dropped him because you wanted to feel something?
Lane Thomas – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and a slam (3) and double legs (12, 13). Missed time and is still on pace for 30+ bags. Emoji standing in the buff touching the area of his fantasy team where Lane Thomas sits.
Shota Imanaga – 4 1/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 1.86. Wow, the Regression Fairies are racist! Jokes aside (was that a joke?), watch how people now think of Shota vs. literally two days ago. Two days ago, “I’ll give you JRod for Shota.” Hmm…Nah! Today, “I’ll give you Shota for–” I don’t want him.
Ian Happ – 2-for-4 and his 5th homer, 3 homers in four games, and about as locked-in as anyone right now. Is he available? He shouldn’t be.
Christian Yelich – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer. Thank you, son. I mean–Sorry, I was looking at his mom.
Willy Adames – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 9th homer. He nearly homered the previous game too, but Cody Bellinger robbed him (while smoking a spliff).
Blake Perkins – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer, and his third hit in a week, which isn’t good. More like Blank Perkins! Damn, he won’t recover.
Luis Gil – 8 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 1.99. Trying to enjoy it while it lasts. Sad that he can’t throw 220 IP this year. Not even sure he can throw 120 IP.
Alex Verdugo – 1-for-4 and his 8th homer. No idea if it continues, but wouldn’t you prefer to find out while he’s on your fantasy team?
Logan O’Hoppe – 1-for-4 and his 6th homer, hitting .259. By the way, Luis Rengifo (2-for-4, hitting .343) is 30 at-bats from qualifying for the batting title, and leading the majors.
George Kirby – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.08 vs. Justin Verlander – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.26. The guy you left for dead (Justin) has an ERA about eighty points lower than the guy you want to be your ace.
Seth Lugo – 6 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 1.72. Love this guy, so don’t take this the wrong way, but brace for regression. It’s gonna come when you least expect it.
Nelson Velazquez – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 6th and 7th homer, hitting .224. I wrote a sleeper post for him, so you know I like him. I would prefer to mention the Royals’ cleanup hitter yesterday was Adam Frazier. The Royals are so good they’re spotting other teams a terrible lineup to try to catch them.
Bailey Ober – 5 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.89. Like Ober, but he’s, uh, over. Look elsewhere, unless you like losing your league for guys who should be better but aren’t.
Alek Manoah – Left yesterday’s start with elbow discomfort. I wished maladies and heaped scorn on the big man for 18 months straight, but that sucks. Right when he was figuring shizz out.
Dane Dunning – 5 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.94. This was a rematch of last year’s World Series DBacks/Rangers, a classic that you 100% forgot about already. That each of these teams are under .500 is so telling of baseball. It’s as predictable as a toddlers’ race with more shizz.
Corey Seager – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer, and his 2nd homer in two games, 4th homer in three games, 6th homer this week, and he’s no David Fry, but who is? Seager’s past week actually a good example of why I’m usually down on him, and why I say how important steals are in a player’s game for fantasy value. Look at the last 7-day Player Rater. Seager’s doing well, but he’s nowhere near blowing people away like you might think considering how many homers he’s jacked in the last week.
TJ Friedl – 0-for-3 as he was activated from the IL. Trying to stay optimistic, because I need him in one league where I have him, but this reads to me as a guy coming back way too fast from a thumb fracture, and he won’t be good for a while. Hopefully, I’m wrong and he has Predator blood.
Frankie Montas – 6 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.60. FM with no static at all (against one of the worst lineups, and Streamonator rightfully hates his next).
Nolan Gorman – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer, and his 2nd homer in two games, and 2nd day in a row I said he was hot and first day I’ve said this.
Matt Carpenter – 1-for-3 and his 1st homer. Nice to see Matt Carpenter still being successful in 2016–[intern whispers in ear]–It’s what year? Hmm, apparently, buying old calendars isn’t a great way to save money.
Andre Pallante – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.94. Andre 3000 > Andre 3.94 ERA.
