Is it me or can you not hear his last name unless it’s screamed in the sentence, “Someone get me McGreevy!” Meh, maybe it’s me. Yesterday, the Rangers got McGreevied and now they’re McAggrieved. Michael McGreevy went 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks in his MLB debut. Oh, okay, I see, I need to reevaluate my expectations. I thought McGreevy was just a McDonald’s Chicken-Fried Steak accoutrement misspelled. This ain’t no McGravy. About to become McGreedy for McGreevy if he’s working with the good stuff. [watches clips] Doesn’t look bad, tee be aitch. Solid cutter, giant turd of a fastball and lots of ground balls. Like lots and lots. Is this a rookie or some 38-year-old trickster? All he does is pound the bottom of the zone. That’s not nothing. BABIP could hurt him, and there’s a reason why he strikes out no one and had an iffy ERA in the minors. Upgrading to a streamer, so Streamonator. Someone get me McGreevy! (If his matchups are good.) Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Lance Lynn – Hit the IL a knee injury. On a related note, this picture is so funny to me. It’s like God caught himself a Lance Lynn:
Matt Olson – 2-for-4 and his 16th and 17th homer. Please get hot. I’m not asking. I’m begging. To Mecca. Please, Allahson. Singing like a Muslim Elvis Costello, “Allllllllllllllahson, your lack of power is killing me…Oh, Allllllllllllllahson, my aim is true, my aim is to win my fantasy league…” Now that we have a large-Cal-Raleigh-ass-sized sample size, it’s clear Matt Olson is not hitting the ball anywhere near as well as past seasons. It could be a slump, because a slump can do weird things. You get unlucky, slump grows. Then, to get out of the slump, you start expanding your zone, and slump intensifies. One way to emerge is to have a nice game where you hit two ding-dongs like you’re Jennifer Connelly in Requiem.
Travis d’Arnaud – 2-for-4, also homered twice (10, 11). As I said in last week’s Buy column, the Braves should be playing him more than Murphy. We’ll see if Snitker’s aim is true.
Nacho Alvarez Jr. – Optioned to the minors. Nacho time, I suppose.
Connor Norby – Sent to the minors. MLB needs to add in a rule. You can’t purposely delay service time like this, it’s bad. Only sport where teams see players who are 100% ready and think, “Hmm, let’s send him down so we can pay him less.” If you want to do shizz like this? Fine, Marlins should be forced to lose a draft pick. There has to be consequences, he screams as he slowly recedes into the abyss.
Jake Burger – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 15th homer. After the game, Burger said, “I hope fans in Baltimore are hungry for some meat, because I heard from my agent, Burger’s headed north! What? Why so many weird faces? Trade deadline is August 1st, right?”
Calvin Faucher – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 2.95, as he got the 9th inning. Wasn’t a save situation, but was close enough, so he looks like the guy for saves in Miami, until further notice. That further notice might not happen for two weeks because the Marlins might not have any save opportunities.
Christopher Morel – 1-for-4 and his 20th homer, 2nd homer in two games. Morel becoming a great hitter on the Rays would be so funny. A great middle reliever? Sure, that would track with the Rays.
Taj Bradley – 5 IP, 4 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.71. Writing this before the start to see how close I come to getting it right, “Taj threw a near-perfect game through six innings, striking out 11, but have you seen the Marlins’ lineup?” How close was I in my prediction? Good? Hello? Guys and five ladies?
Alec Marsh – Optioned to the minors. I guess you could say he got his *pinkie to mouth* Marsh’ing orders.
Brady Singer – 7 IP, 3 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.88. As I tend not to mention Rockies hitters when they’re going well at home (I don’t, in case you never noticed), I might start ignoring starters facing the Shite Sux. They are headed for a 120 losses. That’s insane.
Vinnie Pasquantino – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 12th homer, hitting .262. Vinnie Pasketti sounds like a 30-homer hitter, he was touted as one, and he might not reach 20.
DJ LeMahieu – 2-for-4, 6 RBIs and his 2nd homer, a grand slam. Sadly, allowing a grand slam to LeMahieu means Cristopher Sanchez (5 2/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.36) can no longer play baseball. It’s time to learn badminton, buddy!
Nestor Cortes – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.16. Watched most of his start, and he seems about as bleh as meh can get bleh’d. Just a giant ball of bleh that’s been meh’d.
MacKenzie Gore – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 1 K, ERA at 4.54. Been one of the biggest disappointments of the year for me. Not like I’m starting him anywhere anymore, but I still get the sads.
Paul Sewald – 1/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 4.39, and the very important Hold. Okay, what if, and bear with me here, your closer stinks? Do you go with your new addition like Ralph Tresvant, AJ Puk? Or Kevin Ginkel? Bzzt, wrongo! Ryan Thompson (2/3 IP, 0 ER) got the save. That might be because the other guys like Will Ferrell were already used. I’d guess Ginkel is the handcuff here.
Nick Lodolo – 5 2/3 IP, 8 ER, ERA at 3.99. It’s hard to be quite as good as him while as being quite as crappy. He’s Cincy’s version of Freddy Peralta. Put spaghetti on Freddy’s head and you have Nick.
Jake Fraley – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 3rd homer. Not bad if this were April. It’s August, beeeeeeyatch!
Ian Happ – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 17th homer, hitting .235, as he hit leadoff. Why is Happ hitting leadoff as a .235 hitter? Well, I can’t blame DEI. Not sure, but the Cubs scored 13, and are only…How many games are they under .500? Haha, why were the Cubs buyers at the deadline? Were they buyers? What is their gameplan exactly?
Framber Valdez – 6 IP, 4 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.56. Had a tough go of it early vs. the new-look Pirates. Don’t laugh, they have Connor Joe hitting third.
Clayton Kershaw – 3 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 5.87. Went heavy on FAAB for Robbie Ray and Kershaw and so far I am reaping some crazy rewards. Stop with the rewards please, my sarcastic rewards shelf is overfloweth.
Michael Kopech – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 4.63, as he pitched the 5th inning of a blowout. Emoji with a very shaky smile.
Dylan Cease – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.42. “Okay, let’s head home. Get it? ‘Head.’” That’s Johnny Vander Meer’s frozen head at the Padres game in case Cease were to throw back-to-back no hitters.
Logan Webb – 9 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.49. I know it’s not true, but this feels like the 1st complete game shutout of the season.
Brenton Doyle – 1-for-4 and his 18th homer. “Why is he batting Doyle 9th?” That’s me on Opening Day next year. Getting myself worked up now.
Logan O’Hoppe – 2-for-4 and his 15th homer. O’Hoppe day.
George Kirby – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.04. Looks like McLovin, and I be McLovin’ him! Did I just do a thing? I did, didn’t I? So, he looked fine. He did, however, start the game by throwing a knuckleball to honor Tom Wakefield and that’s pretty effin’ cool.
Brayan Bello – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 5.13. He took on a Mariners’ lineup with their new additions, and, honestly, their lineup is still kinda meh.
Byron Buxton – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 13th homer, 2nd homer in a week. The Bux stops somewhere in the stands.
Matt Wallner – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, 3rd homer in a week, and narrowly missed a 2nd homer. Twins have the most insane “per game” players that I can remember. They’re all a bunch of ‘If he can stay healthy’ers. If they could figure out a way to keep their hitters on the field they would go 162-0. They would never lose a game. They would be the greatest team ever assembled. Unfortunately, every time a butterfly flaps its wings in Indonesia, a Twins player has an oblique injury that knocks them out for an indeterminate amount of time.
Pablo Lopez – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.65. Pab-Lo giving the Peo-Ple what they want.
Luis Severino – 3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.93. Sigh. Streamonator hates his next one too, so he’s an easy drop in most shallower mixed leagues.
Mark Vientos – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 16th homer, and 2nd in as many games. Vientos has the best batting average of any regular in the Mets’ lineup and has 16 homers in 63 games. Ya know, the ol’ 35-homer pace. Crickets with how well he’s hitting.
Addison Barger – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer, and 2nd homer since the Jays traded away Justin Turner and the 2nd time I’m pleading with them to please play him every day.
Joey Loperfido – 1-for-5 as he hit 2nd. Monocle down, Loperfido up, and get on my teams. LFG!
Jordan Westburg – Took a 95 MPH wrist-seeker off his wrist, and turned out it was a two-seamer to the He-got-gotten and it broke his wrist. Sounds out for the season. It was a solid preseason sleeper by me, but rather than mourn thy which we can not undo, let’s do onto others as others would do onto their tuna fish and get MAYO!
Colton Cowser – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 16th homer, and 2nd homer in three games. Somehow, Cowser’s become the O’s leadoff hitter. I honestly can’t tell you how, but giddy up.
Jackson Holliday – 1-for-5, 4 RBIs as he was recalled, and was very close to hitting a 2nd homer. There were two grand slams today in MLB, two different players. If you’re starting a dynasty team today, do you want Jackson Holliday or DJ LeMahieu?
