Ronald Acuña Jr. went down in a heap, seemed almost clearly because of his knee, and, at that point, one person in each fantasy baseball league, who was lucky to have the number one pick in their league spoke to the clouds, asking the Fantasy Baseball Overlord, “Why do you smite me? Am I smite-able? Is it this Big Johnson t-shirt? These Bermuda shorts that go to my calves? Are you mad because I call them ‘my Calf-in Kleins?’” Just a brutal injury. He’s done for the year. He tore his ACL of his left knee now, after tearing his right one last time, which affected his season following the tear, not getting up to speed until 2023, which is why you drafted him this year, and wow. I’m not going to say this justifies my fear of him last year when I said I was worried his knee would go at any time, and I’m also not saying-not-saying it, because this is a different knee. Thank God, he only has two knees, huh? Even though, I said the other day Jarred Kelenic (3-for-4, 3 runs) is inconsequential (for fantasy, poor guy), he has been hot, and should see everyday at-bats. Also, Adam Duvall hit his 4th homer on Sunday, and I know he’s not a replacement for Acuña, but at least you’re not the Braves. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Matt Olson – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 8th homer, hitting .230. Being a little greedy Charlie Bucket but I need Olson to get nuclear hot.
Kyle Bradish – 7 IP, 0 ER, 0 hits, 4 walks, 11 Ks, ERA at 1.75. This start was happening while I was recording the podcast with BDon and it had me wondering, has anyone been pulled with a no-hitter in 7 IP or less prior to 2005? It used to be, “Wow, this guy’s thrown 120 pitches through 8 IP, will he go out for the 9th?” Now, it’s, “Welp, he reached 100 pitches, I don’t care how many innings it is.” Of course, then the first hitter the next pitcher, Danny Coulombe, faced homered. Shame, hopefully O’s fans shielded their eyes when they heard it’s Mendick with a deep drive!
Colton Cowser – 1-for-4 and his 7th homer, hitting .248 and 9th. That was his first homer in May and he was hitting .180 in the month. Lucky Mayo was out, which sounds like a 1930’s crime boss. “Hey, did you whack that guy?” “Nah, see, Lucky Mayo was out.”
Adley Rutschman – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer, hitting .300. Thatta-way Rutschman!
Bryan Ramos – 0-for-3 as he was activated from the IL. Lost in the excitement of his call-up and injury and return is he was hitting .182 in Double-A this year and had no business being called up.
Erick Fedde – 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.80. This start by Fedde at home for the White Sox was in Chicago with 22,000+ in attendance. 21,997 scouts for other teams, and three fans.
Garrett Crochet – 6 IP, 2 ER, 3 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 3.68. Crochet weaving together nice starts, that’s the whole bag of yarn.
Mitch Keller – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.59, but 1.30 in May. Not a ton of guys bit me in the Jose Butto this year, but Keller did. Gave up on him a bit too quickly. Was hard to know he was going to turn around his entire season after doing root beer turd floats for April.
Edwin Diaz – 1 IP, 1 ER, 4th blown save on Saturday, ERA at 5.40. Mets said before Saturday’s game Edwin could start to see saves again. Converted by Reed Garrett! I kid. It could also be Ottavino.
Logan Webb – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.74. Giants used their closer for no reason on Saturday and Keith Hernandez (I think it was Keith — was listening to opposing booth) said something like, “I can understand it, they have Webb going tomorrow and he’ll give them innings.” I’m sorry, which pitchers give innings in today’s game? Also, use a closer for no reason and then he sucks and you lose Sunday because your setup men give up the game? Just Giants galaxy brain’ing.
Jordan Hicks – 5 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.33. Hicks has made his peripherals look better recently (still not great), but this start was vs. the Mets, who look as bad as any team.
Ross Stripling – Hit the IL with an elbow strain. The A’s called up Jack O’Loughlin, because they can’t relocate to Vegas, so now they’re making their pitch to Laughlin.
Jose Abreu – Astros will be recalling him today. Left out of the report: Why? In Triple-A, he’s 0-for-8 with three Ks. Doode’s more cooked than that burger you have on the grill right now.
Ronel Blanco – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 1.99, as he returned from his dirty hand suspension. Know what’s funny? Olds get mad at how baseball was better decades ago, and back then players were on greenies, coke, drunk, uppers, and that was just the Pirates. Then you have a guy like Gaylord Perry, who openly cheated, and is in the Hall of Fame.
Kyle Tucker – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 18th homer. As tradition dictates, Tucker will be in the Home Run Derby, and he looks like the kind of guy who might hit three homers in three minutes.
Pablo Lopez – 4 2/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 5.25. Okay, is he tipping or is he injured? Because there’s only two options now.
Corey Seager – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 10th and 11th homer. I’m reminded of the people who saw him get hurt in March and thought I should lower him more in the rankings. The rankings who FantasyPros said were the best last year. (I’m 100% being sarcastic, I wasn’t drafting Seager.)
Gerson Garabito – 3 2/3 IP, 1 ER, as he was called up because the entire Rangers’ staff is injured. Think Eovaldi’s back soon. Is Garabito a Gerson of interest, he asked as he melted into the fabric of his couch. He seems like a middle reliever with incredibly iffy command. Wouldn’t go near him outside of AL-Only.
Michael Lorenzen – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.35 vs. Chris Paddack – 5 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.39. How does that idiom go? Matchups just right, Streamonator‘s delight.
Reese Olson – 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 1.92. Is there more starters with absurd ERAs later this year than any previous? It’s almost June and Reese Olson has a 1.92 ERA.
Casey Mize – 4 1/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 4.71. Won’t be sitting down any time soon after that Mize two-start week.
Matt Vierling – 4-for-6, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and his 4th and 5th homer, as he hits leadoff. The Tigers/Jays had a world class mid-off. Both closers looking nasty but nasty is it’s usually meant and not nasty as in good; Jason Foley (2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.54) and Jordan Romano (2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 6.39). Any hoo! Vierling could be a schmotato.
Spencer Torkelson – 3-for-5, 3 runs and his 4th homer. He has twice as many homers as Cavan Biggio. That’s good. Dot dot dot. Right?
Jose Berrios – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 hits, zero walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.94. Thank you, War Room!
Yusei Kikuchi – 3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.25. Meh, bad start, what can do, as my neighbor, Stash, would say but also: Jays have to be one of the most underperforming teams year after year.
Isiah Kiner-Falefa – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 4th homer. Oh my God, Israeli Diner Falafel has the same number of homers as Torkelson.
Daulton Varsho – 1-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 10th homer, hitting .207. Varsho being on a team with Springer, Vlad, and Pieceofchette and easily being the power threat is so bad.
Garrett Whitlock – Expects to undergo an internal brace procedure. The operation for when you don’t want to send a nickel to Tommy John to use his name.
Nick Pivetta – 3 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.20. Makes sense that’s his ERA, because he got smoked.
Tanner Houck – 6 IP, 1ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 1.90. Regression Fairies ignoring him, because they think his name is Spray-Tanner.
Yoshinobu Yamamoto – 5 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 3.51. Oh, so that’s where the Regression Fairies are Memorial Day weekend? In Cincy-freakinatti!
Shohei Ohtani – 1-for-4, 1 run, hitting .336. He’s managing his hamstring issue by placing a governor on it. Wherever there’s reporters, Gavin Newsom is not far behind.
Hunter Greene – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.06. Think I mentioned this before, and I don’t like repeating myself — and that’s me quoting me! — but Greene’s interesting because he’s seemingly figured out how to be successful, in the way I keep saying for pitchers to be successful — he listens to me, naturally. Stop trying for strikeouts. Throw strikes and hitters won’t catch up to you when you have Greene’s stuff, and if they make contact, it’s fine.
Ben Lively – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.80. I don’t know if this is true, but it sure feels like out of all my two-start pitchers last week, Lively was the only decent one.
Sonny Gray – 5 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 2 walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.60 vs. 5 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.17. This matchup was billed as Gray vs. Assad, literally, because I picked up Assad two starts ago and now he’s no longer great.
Paul Goldschmidt – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 5th and 6th homer. Au Shizz rising from the shizz!
Ryan Helsley – 1 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 2.25, and 3 ER in the last two innings. He got the save last night, but I saw someone saying Helsley was tipping his pitches since Saturday. Not sure what to do with this information. Can we call the Cards?
Ian Happ – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 3rd and 4th homer, hitting .224. Cards were pumping smelling salts into the stadium last night through the air vents.
Jordan Beck – Hit the IL with a fractured left hand. Bud Black asked him to play through it rather than play Sean Bouchard, but it became untenable.
Ryan McMahon – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer. Career year continues, but every time I look at the Rockies’ lineup I can’t believe Kris Bryant is actually hitting worse than Javier Baez. (Oh, and Brenton Doyle has four steals in two games.)
Ranger Suarez – 6 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners (4 BBs), 9 Ks, ERA at 1.75. Nooooooooooo!!! Regression Fairies!!! Not my beautiful boy!!! Or boi, if Flavor Flav is reading.
Trevor Williams – 5 IP, 1 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.29. But nothing here, Regression Fairies? Really?
CJ Abrams – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 8th homer. “Hey, don’t you have something smaller to use as a doorstop–Hold up! Abrams moved! He’s alive!”
Julio Rodriguez – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and a slam (4) and double legs (10, 11) and 2nd homer in as many games. He was moved from the six-hole to the three-hole after his Saturday homer, so now is he gonna moved to the zero slot? I’m still mad he was moved to the six-hole at all, but I’m glad it got him mad too. Your buy low window is just about closed.
Ty France – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer. A French fly! I’m not sure France has ever been hot, but he ripped Sunday’s homer like he was locked-in. Schmotato? P to the erhaps.
Clarke Schmidt – 5 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.52. On this week’s podcast, BDon and I discuss Schmidt and the takeaway: Solid number three fantasy starter.
Alex Verdugo – 1-for-4 and his 7th homer. Where does Jasson Dominguez play? Not rhetorical! I’m literally asking.
Josh Lowe – Hit the IL again with an oblique strain. Hopefully, J. Lowe has Aflac.
Aaron Civale – 5 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 5.72. I’m monocle’ing, but he needs to do way more than that in a home start. I don’t care it’s against the 1927 Royals.
Taj Bradley – 5 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 3 walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.13. Taj Mahal, guys! is the name for my fast casual halal restaurant. Taj Bradley, guys! is me being exclamatory for the Rays’ pitcher. Streamonator hates his next, and I kinda understand, tee bee aitch.
Michael Massey – Hit the IL with a back ligament strain. “Before I leave, you have to take this…” Massey said, as he limped the Royals’ Crown of Hot Schmotatoes over to Maikel Garcia.
Bobby Witt Jr. – 2-for-5 and his 9th homer, and 2nd homer this weekend. Or long weekend for some of youse. Must be nice to have a Monday off! [intern whispers in ear] Not you!
Jordan Montgomery – 6 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.69. That’s right, JoMo, get right with yourself and your fantasy owners!
Ryan Weathers – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.16. Fun fact! His family’s name was Ryan App-on-phone, but they changed it at Ellis Island.
Sixto Sanchez – 5 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 6.25. This is neither here nor there for any fantasy leagues, but it is comical how the Marlins are like, “We can’t throw Max Meyer for fear he’ll throw too many innings,” then are like, “What’s up, Sixto? Innings count why? Your arm tendons wouldn’t even make a decent menudo they’re so frayed? Um, yeah, we’re watching to make sure you don’t get hurt, just go ahead! You got this,” as they file their nails and watch soaps.
