Chris Sale (7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 2.79) is a Hall of Famer. Yes or no? Don’t think about it. No googling. Say your peace out loud so only you can hear it. What did you say? Yes? Then you’re right. If you said no, you’re wrong. His career stats are ridonk when compared against his peers. I know, he’s not going to reach any great milestones, but we need new milestones for starters. Y’all can figure out new milestones for relievers and hitters, but you still want wins for starters? Ain’t happening. You want a lot of innings? Sorry. Nope. Strikeouts might not even happen anymore. At least big gaudy numbers. 3,000 strikeouts might only happen once more. Ever. Anyway, Chris Sale was robbed of a lot of innings, due to injuries, but he’s back to being an ace this year. Good on him, hope to one day see him in Cooperstown, when I show up in a bad toupee to do TV interviews as Bud Selig, telling everyone Bonds needs to be let in. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Luis Robert Jr. – 2-for-3 and his 8th homer. Okay, guys can do whatever. But it was kinda gross yesterday that during his home run trot he had a roll-top desk slid out to 2nd base and he took calls from his agent who was on the phone with trade partners for the White Sox. Trade him wherever, but don’t take phone calls on 2nd base. With a rotary phone!
Javier Assad – Hit the IL with a forearm strain. Wonder how many terrible starts I got from him on my team while this was bothering him. Three? Four?
Shota Imanaga – 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.07. MLB goes like this for guys who dominate out of the gate: Guy dominates, league figures him out, and, if guy is great, he figures out how to adjust back and dominates again. We’re waiting to see if Shota can adjust back, or if he’s closer to what we thought in the preseason. Solid enough fantasy starter (a #3? #4?), but not great for all matchups. Another guy in the Cubs/Giants game we saw the league figured out recently was Heliot Ramos, and we’re waiting to see if he can adjust back.
Nico Hoerner – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and a slam (3) and legs (14). Not bad since I think he has a broken hand.
Ian Happ – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer, hitting .228. His contact really fell in the toilet and no one’s flushing.
Porter Hodge – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 1.80 and the Cubs save. Counsell is now twitching his nose and making up relievers to get saves.
Jordan Hicks – 5 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.36. Hicks or Shota? Easily Shota two weeks ago. Now? Yes, still Shota, but as easily?
Noelvi Marte – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 1 RBI and his 1st steal, as he was activated from the Do Not Ingest This List. I gave you a Noelvi Marte fantasy already. Pretend to read the shizz I write.
Spencer Steer – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer. If he gets hot, and Cincy gets humid, I’m Steer’ing this bus to the moon, Alice!
Andrew Abbott – 5 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners (6 BBs), 2 Ks, ERA at 3.41. I benched Abbott to start Mikolas. A smiling emoji that goes up in a plane to parachute and forgets its parachute on purpose.
Miles Mikolas – 4 1/3 IP, 9 ER, ERA at 5.32. That’s a soul-crusher. Racking up safe starts for a month — a 2.49 ERA previously in June. I’m devastated. Fantasy Baseball: When you want more stress in your life.
Nolan Arenado – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer. Hey, I just got my DNA test results and it says I’m 1% LeBron James so I can play for the Lakers. Here, it’s over by this open window–NOOOOO!!! Torenado!
Jack Flaherty – 5 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.24. This start was vs. the Angels. Yet, I’m in hell.
Luis Rengifo – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer. Angels’ lineup is, “15 team mixed, 10 team mixed, 10 team mixed, AL-Only, AL-Only, 12-team mixed, 15-team mixed, waivers, AL-Only.” It’s kinda obvious the AL-Only guys should not be in the middle of the lineup.
Davis Daniel – 8 IP, 0 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 8 Ks in his MLB debut. Fun fact! The Tigers called him Damn Daniel! Last night’s start was proof that Triple-A is better than the Tigers. In fairness, PCL is a beeyatch for peeyatchers. It’s also very funny all the big-name starters come up and relative unknown Davis Daniel is the best. He has good command, but has battled arm issues. Maybe he can rattle off a few good starts. I am not confident enough for 12 team mixed leagues or shallower.
Spencer Turnbull – Will miss 6-8 weeks with a lat strain. Damn, my powers of jinx are stronger than I thought. Don’t wrong me, man.
Zack Wheeler – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.73. Before his start vs. the Marlins I was looking on FanDuel to see if I could bet on him throwing a perfect game. Luckily, I didn’t find that option.
Bryce Harper – 1-for-5, 1 RBI and left with what looked like a two-to-three week hamstring injury. Hopefully I’m wrong, but I’m one of the best “watching TV” doctors.
Jake Burger – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer. Jokes aside (were there jokes?), Burger is due for a two-to-three week hot streak. Maybe as a Bryce fill-in?
Trevor Rogers – 6 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.87. Streamonator would never like him, and I wouldn’t pick any Marlins pitcher. They’re like Rockies at this point, players non-grata.
Jose Berrios – 7 IP, 2 ER, 2 hits, 3 BBs, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.38. Sonavabench! Oh well. I’ll take that sonavabench over the drubbing that would’ve happened vs. the Yanks if I started him.
George Springer – 3-for-3, 6 RBIs and his 7th and 8th homer, 3rd homer in two games. Damn, he must’ve got the uppers meant for Biden. This is an extremely unlikely heater for Springer. Maybe the old dog has a few final tricks. I wouldn’t count on it though. Think this was more the Yanks’ pitching looked like it didn’t make it through customs.
Vladimir Guerrero Jr. – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer, and 3rd homer in four games. Good to see Cake Batter return. Bo Pieceofchette? Still terrible!
Carlos Rodon – 5 IP, 8 ER, ERA at 4.42. He had a 2.93 ERA three starts ago! Holy crap.
Michael Wacha – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners 6 Ks, ERA at 3.91. As I sorta said last time he pitched, he could have a two-month Seth Lugo type run in him. And that’s me paraphrasing me!
Ben Lively – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.03. He has had a two-month Lugo type run.
Matthew Boyd – Signed by the Guards. Here come the Fanboyds.
Cedric Mullins – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, and 2nd homer in two games, and 2nd time in two days saying he’s hot for the whole month. He won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy column, because I think he’s rostered in too many leagues, but if he’s available, grab him.
Adley Rutschman – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 15th homer, hitting .300. Ever since I pointed out in April (May?) that Adley wasn’t as good as advertised, he’s been better than advertised. He did leave yesterday’s game with a hand wrapped in ice, but the O’s don’t seem super concerned.
Heston Kjerstad – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer. Finally, they benched Colton Cowser– Oh wait, he went 2-for-4, 2 runs and hit his 11th homer and 2nd homer in two games. Someone with some cash pay for a skywriter to write above Camden, “Trade Santander for a pitcher.”
Adolis Garcia – 1-for-4 and his 15th homer, hitting .219, but 2nd homer in four games. Get hot like the weather, baby! C’mon!
Jon Gray – 5 IP, 8 ER, ERA at 3.77. No one gives up more 8 ER games than Jon Gray. Coming in 2nd is the next pitcher.
Jordan Montgomery – 2 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 6.03, and four more unearned runs. Holy ticker shock! What a box scare, Batman! JoMo? During Pride Month? Disgraceful! You know when you should likely think about dropping a guy? When you cycle through your leagues praying that you didn’t start that guy anywhere — once a week. I had benched him everywhere, but the fright I had before checking. Then doublechecking to make sure I wasn’t accidentally misreading. JoMo, you’re giving me an ulcer, BroBro. In case it wasn’t clear, you can’t start JoMo no mo’.
Ketel Marte – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 17th homer, 2nd homer in three games, and nearly missed a 2nd homer yesterday. Ball is dead, they say. Flat, raspberries lips, nothing there. It’s a stinker for hitting this season. Forget it, Jake, it’s Chinatown of hitting seasons. Mean’s while, Ketel Marte is Barry Bonds.
Carlos Correa – Hit by a pitch on his wrist and it appeared to be a lot of pain, but the x-rays were negative. Writing on the wall was about Brooks Lee being called up, but it was in invisible ink, methinks. Can see stashing him, but Twins’ beat writer was not bullish Brooks Lee’s coming up.
Byron Buxton – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 7th homer, and 3rd homer in four games. You ever see bubble waffles? Dip Buxton in that batter between games. There’s no way this does not end with an injury by next week.
David Festa – 5 IP, 5 ER in his 1st MLB start. David Party Karamu Festa looked good for the first three innings, and, while his name conjures an all-night party, it was a slog. A party like when you’re 13 and taken to your cousin’s house, but they’re 7 years old, and your mom is like, “Your Aunt Margaret is having a party. It’ll be fun, you can hang out with your Cousin Jeffrey. He is very mature for his age,” but he’s not, he’s just stupid.
