A haltingly groggy voice, “I’m so proud of my son, Hunter,” says Joe…..Greene! C’mon! What Joe did you think I was going to say? “Hunter really knows how to avoid the crack,” Joe stammers, “Of the bat.” Joe Greene again! C’mon! Yesterday, Hunter Greene went 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.14. Fun fact! Hunter Greene is the only color the Eddie Bauer Ford Explorer comes in. Another fun fact, especially if you roster him, he has a 0.73 ERA in his last four starts (2 ER over the last 24 2/3 IP), and put Taj Bradley and Hunter Greene on all my teams next year, let me sit back and sip some daqs! Last night, Greene sat 97.9 MPH on his four-seamer and generated 34.8% chase rate on it with a 88 MPH slider generating a 35% whiff rate, and I have to say he looks like he could be a top five starter in baseball. Home runs allowed have caught up with him in years past, but if he’s tamed that part of his game? Yeah, that Hunter is a good kid! Joe is right! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Will Benson – 2-for-2 and a slam (11) and double legs (12, 13). Benson doing an ode to Robert Guillaume by serving the Braves!
Whit Merrifield – Signed with the Braves. They called up Ignacio Alavarez, then said to him, “It’s Nacho playing time!” I’d guess Nacho Alvarez Jr. gets the at-bats, and Merrifield gets the call for leadership and utility.
Jose Siri – 1-for-2 and his 14th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. “Siri, what is a hot schmotato?” “Me is.” “It’s ‘I am.’” “Searching for eye doctors in your area.”
Zack Littell – 5 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.46. Wait, wait, wait! Hold up! Let me get this straight! You get past Soto and Judge and give up jacks to Anthony Volpe (his 7th), Austin Wells (his 7th) and DJ LeMahieu (his 1st)?! Too bad Josh Donaldson retired, he would’ve had a 3-homer game! Hey, is it too late for Hensley Meulens to make good on his prospect status?
Carlos Rodon – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 4.42. Ya know what’s sneaky bad? The Rays’ hitting.
Juan Soto – 3-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 24th and 25th homer, hitting .311. Sexy Dr. Pepper says your prescription is ready for…sexy!
James Paxton – Designated for assignment. That also means everyone in the Dodgers’ front office is on the 7-day IL for concussion symptoms, because they all forgot they don’t have two healthy starters, let alone five.
River Ryan – 5 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks in his MLB debut. Here’s what I said last week about him, “Will be called up after the break by the Dodgers. Itch had Ryan above Landon Knack on his Dodgers prospects list, saying, ‘2023 wasn’t a smooth ride for Ryan, who went 1-and-6 despite pitching well in Double-A then posted a 10.29 ERA in his two Triple-A starts despite striking out 12 batters in seven innings. Looking at the whole picture, he recorded 110 strikeouts in 104.1 innings and set himself up well to support the big league staff at some point in 2024. A two-way player in college, Ryan has been making major gains since converting to pitching full time, particularly in terms of off-speed functionality and command, which is where I give him a slight edge over his cohorts on this list. I’d also like to cohort Grey into a million pieces.’ What? Ryan looks like he has iffy command, and would monocle in 12 teamers and shallower.” And that’s me quoting me and Itch! He looked decent, not great, but I have a feeling he was either auditioning to be traded or he’s being sent down. If he’s up, I could see going with him in 15-teamers, but not yet 12-teamers.
Daniel Hudson – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 1.52, and his 7th save. Seems to be the preferred closer in LA now. Well, until they trade for Tanner Scott.
Tyler Fitzgerald – 1-for-3 and his 5th homer, and 4th homer in four games. Giants just create hot players each week, huh? I tried to grab Fitzy in all leagues this past weekend, and promise to never call him Fitzy again.
Tyler Locklear – With France cut from the M’s like it’s the Maginot Line in 1940, Locklear will get the 1st base at-bats and sneers from the audience who are Team Billy. Never date your landlord, bro! Good advice. Dot dot dot. If this were 1992. Locklear hit two homers in his last call-up in only 11 games, then was sent down for no reason. Well, maybe because he had a 37.5% K%. He doesn’t seem capable of hitting .220 but could hit for some power, and maybe chuck in a handful of steals.
Bryce Miller – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.41. There’s lots of bad teams, but his opponent, the Angels, are up there–uh, down there with the worst. By the way, the Angels’ hitting coach was ejected yesterday. Too bad he wasn’t ejected from the sport? Yes, but also: His name is Johnny Washington. I’m not 100% sure it’s not Ron Washington with a pasted-on beard.
Yilber Diaz – 3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 5.40. Surprised the Regression Fairies even wanted to mess with someone named Yilber, but good on them.
Hunter Renfroe – 1-for-4 and his 9th homer. Renfroe! Or as Scooby Doo would say, “Renfroe!”
Salvador Perez – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 18th homer, hitting .279. This is the first year I can remember rostering Perez, and he plays every day. Like almost too much. I feel bad for his knees. Perez won’t ever retire, at some point his knees are just going to have a press conference and say they’re crawling away from the game they love.
Bobby Witt Jr. – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 18th homer, hitting .341, and a single short of the cycle. Mentioned this on the top 100 for the 2nd half podcast, but it’s so wild that Witt was once considered a batting average liability. He’s a contender to win the batting title!
Hogan Harris – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.98. Oakland Hogan doesn’t have same ring as Hollywood Hogan. Also, can’t square the circle that he’s anywhere near as good as his ERA seems.
Marcus Semien – 1-for-5 and his 14th homer. I will say this on Semien, I wrote him off last year at the Break, and he had a huge 2nd half. Every time you try to get rid of Semien, he rises his knobby, pink head. (Literally the worst thing I’ve ever typed. I hope you’re happy.)
Tommy Pham – 1-for-4 and his 5th homer. Someone’s getting pumped about fantasy football season!
Paul DeJong – 1-for-4 and his 17th homer. Colonel Mustard with a harmonica in a blues band!
Erick Fedde – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.98. Around a top 30 starter on the Player Rater. Or roughly a 75 starter difference from the preseason to now.
Ranger Suarez – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.87. Ugh, you know what he’s doing right? The slow march to a 3.55 ERA. At the end of the season, it’ll still seem respectable, but what will be loss is how it was a steady creep of him being a creep for three months.
Bryce Harper – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 23rd homer. After 13 seasons, yesterday was his first at-bat in Target Field and it was a bullseye into the bleachers.
Bailey Ober – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.04. Him ending his season around a 3.85 ERA would be the most Bailey Ober thing ever. The Ober over/under of 3.85 ERA is his forever number.
Andre Pallante – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.92 vs. Mitch Keller – 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.34. This matchup was billed as, “The Streamonator likes this guy and doesn’t like that guy for their next starts, and it doesn’t matter because I’m cuckoo-crazy for two-start starters and that really screwed me with Littell.” At least 14% of fantasy baseballers (<–my mom’s term!) call it by that billing.
Nolan Gorman – 1-for-4 and his 19th homer. He’s a lefty, but he’s equally terrible vs. both sides, except for power. This year he seemed to become NoGo for anything but homers.
Francisco Lindor – 2-for-4 and a double slam (18, 19) and legs (20), hitting .256. This guy gets no respect ever. If Kyle Tucker were doing this, you’d be like, “Yeah, of course, he’s a superstar.” Guarantee wherever Lindor ends up on the Player Rater at year’s end, he will be drafted after that next year. Five imaginary dollars on it!
Jeff McNeil – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 8th homer, 3rd homer in three games. If I’m not here after this blurb, it’s because the Lord struck me down after calling McNeil a hot schmotato. [holds hand outside of umbrella for lightning] Think I’m good!
David Peterson – 5 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners (4 BBs), 4 Ks, ERA at 3.141592653. It’s not going to shock you to hear, he was very lucky to be against the MIA Marlins.
Bryan De La Cruz – 3-for-5 and a slam (17) and legs (3). De La flexing as the Bionix man!
Tarik Skubal – 7 IP, 1 ER, 11 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.34. He was my top starter on the top 100 for the 2nd half. You know him, you don’t need me to tell you. What I did want to mention, which I found hilarious. Tigers are listening to offers on Skubal for trades. Are they getting back another team’s top five prospects? What are they doing? Trading their best player? So they don’t even have every fifth day to look forward to? Is this for real?
Colt Keith – 1-for-4 and his 10th homer. Should be rostered in all leagues by now (and was my last Buy with normies), and the Tigers have been hot as a team, and Wenceel Perez (2-for-4, 3 runs, 1 RBI and his 8th steal) was grabbed by yours truly in a few leagues (and missed by yours truly in other leagues).
Justyn-Henry Malloy – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and 2nd homer in two games. Sounds like the child actor in Kramer vs. Kramer and hits like my feels when Meryl Streep walks out on them. I said this yesterday but it bears repeating: If Wyatt Langford was doing what Malloy was doing, you’d be out of your mind screaming breakout. And that’s me paraphrasing me!
Tobias Myers – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.14. I became a total whoo-rah, said like Karen Hill regarding Janice Rossi, for two-start starters, so you know I’m starting Myers, and Streamonator loves his next one.
Ian Happ – 1-for-4 and his 16th homer, hitting .237. Cubs said they won’t be buyers at the deadline. Shocking, after not being buyers all offseason either. Though, in fairness, teams actually in contention prolly won’t be buyers either.
Sam Hilliard – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer. Dust off my 2019 sleeper, baby! Kidding. Leave that shizz dusty.
Kenley Jansen – Won’t travel to Colorado, due to heart complications, so Kelly or Weissert might get a save in his stead. Also, this would seem to open the Rockies up to landing Kenley as a free agent this offseason, because it would be the dumbest move possible.
