Every trade deadline deal: [team name] got fleeced and [team name] fleeced them! What was it, anyway? [Player name you know] for two [players’ names who you don’t really know]. Wow! How could [GM’s name] be so stupid? We’re saving money and getting better for [insert future year]. I’m as guilty of this as anyone. Some say a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, but try to tell that to someone in a dynasty league! So, Jack Flaherty goes to the Dodgers, and I think he’s an ace, but can we talk about how the Dodgers acquire top talent after top talent and then find themselves starting Enrique Hernandez and Cavan Biggio for half the season? Gonna start to think they’re cursed. Don’t make burn Steve Garvey’s toupee to rid them of this curse and have Rick Monday run into my house to grab the burning toupee away from me. Flaherty’s one problemski, no relation to Justin Wrobleski, is he allows homers and Dodger Stadium is not very good for that. With his K/BB and just utter filth, I’m not worried. If he stays healthy, which is a little debatable due to his recent back concerns, he’s going to be an ace for two months. [team name] won this trade deadline! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Trevor Rogers – Traded to the O’s. Trevor Rogers is the proverbial banana in the ol’ tailpipe, and I fall for it every time. “He can be great in Camden! Right? Right?!” He screams as he twirls down the sink drain. In reality, he’s a streamer, and the Streamonator might never like him and I have to learn to listen. This moves Albert Suarez to the pen.
Eloy Jimenez – Traded to the O’s. No no no no no no no no! You’re supposedly to be making room for your prospects! Why did you draft them if you’re going to bury them? Well, the good news is Eloy will be injured on the plane flight to Baltimore. Assuming Eloy splits time at DH with O’Hearn, and has even less value.
Austin Slater – Traded to the O’s. Sweet, he should get more ABs than Coby Mayo.
Gregory Soto – Traded to the O’s. Can he play 2nd? I hear the O’s are trying to bury Westburg.
Jackson Holliday – Called up. Great, now where is Eloy gonna play?! So, in Triple-A, he was hitting .271 with 10 HRs and eight steals in 346 plate appearances. I looked to grab Holliday in all leagues, and you should too. He’s the top prospect in the game and can be an immediate difference maker. Will he be as overmatched as last time? Who knows, but worth the roster spot to find out.
Anthony Santander – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 31st homer, and 2nd homer in two days (3 games). I was talking months ago about the O’s trading away Santander. Little did I know they’d go out and get Eloy.
Chris Bassitt – 4 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.02. Not sure I’d start Bassitt in good matchups; this was not a good matchup.
Tanner Scott – Traded to the Padres. I want to cry. Ugh. Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-BUT I wanted him to get saves on his new team! This just about kills his fantasy value in most mixed leagues. If you need a solid middle reliever? Then sure. Otherwise, Suarez is their closer, unless hurt. In Miami, it should be Andrew Nardi. Could also be Anthony Bender, and not worth going there.
Martin Perez – Traded to the Padres. Well, yeah, when you have enough relievers, then you only need 4 IP from every starter.
Matt Waldron – 4 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 3.89. See what I mean?
Manny Machado – 2-for-4 and his 15th and 16th homer. I saw Yonder Alonso on TV yesterday and I thought Manny was being traded to the MLB Network.
Bryan De La Cruz – Traded to the Pirates.
“Pirates are in for Walker…”
“YES! Christian?!”
“No, Josh.”
“Pirates are in for De La Cruz…”
“OH MY GOD ELLY?!”
“No, Bryan.”
This move by the Pirates now gives them two of the boringest Bryans in the league, and I love both of them. I am a big, big fan of Bryans. Bry-stans, that’s me. This is actually a solid pickup by the Pirates. Won’t set the world afire, but has solid power, meh speed and okay average. He is basically Bryan Reynolds, part two. Call him Bryan Deuxnolds.
Isiah Kiner-Falefa – Traded to the Pirates. Israeli Diner Falafel will now be served with French fries on top.
Michael A. Taylor – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, and 2nd homer in two games. Michael Ann Taylor might be trying on a new schmotato.
Caleb Ferguson – Traded from the Yanks to Astros. The rare Yanks/Astros trade that doesn’t involve insults.
Yainer Diaz – 4-for-4 and his 10th homer, and 2nd homer in three games. It’s yaining Yainer, hallejumanji!
Adam Mazur – Traded to the Marlins with Robby Snelling, Graham Pauley, and Jay Beshears. “Which prospect do you want? You’re gonna have to point, I don’t know their names. I try not to get too attached.” That’s AJ Preller to the Marlins. Supposedly, this is a good return. I saw someone say Snelling was the Padres’ #2 prospect. Yeah, okay. Saying someone is the Padres #2 prospect is the same as saying, “He’s still somehow in the Padres’ farm system.”
Connor Norby – Traded to the Marlins. Imagine being traded to the Marlins after being on the O’s. That’s ‘balloon flying around the room’ deflating. Cheer up, Norby, they’re going to love you in Miami! All five of their fans. Here’s what I said last Buy column, “So, here’s what I said last time Connor Norby was called up, “Maybe I’ve watched too many political documentaries but I 100% thought Connor Norby was a Republican strategist. ‘My name is Connor Norby and I’m for tax reform.’ That is not him. Okay, stop me if you’ve heard this before: Orioles’ top prospect was hitting well in the minors–Stop! He had a line of 9/7/.286 in Triple-A in 206 ABs–Stop! His Ks have skyrocketed in Triple-A.” And that’s me quoting me! Some of those stats changed since then, but the general sentiment remains. The only real difference is if the trade deadline shakes things up, i.e., Mateo sent somewhere for a middle reliever? Norby sent somewhere for a SP. That sorta thing.” And that’s me quoting me quoting Itch quoting me!” And that’s me quoting me quoting Itch quoting me quoting me! Deals don’t get better for fantasy for Norby. He should play every day and be worthwhile in most 12-team mixed leagues and maybe shallower if he hits.
Kyle Stowers – Traded to the Marlins. Every team’s fans that deals with the O’s, “Which 1st round pick did we get?” Norby/Stowers should’ve got you Crochet, if Chris Getz’s phone wasn’t accidentally in airplane mode. It should’ve got you Flaherty. Trevor Rogers feels light. Any hoo! Here’s what Itch last said on Stowers, “Kyle Stowers could open the season at DH after a 107 wRC+ in 34 major league games last season and a 130 wRC+ in 95 games at Triple-A. He might not be good enough to hold off the next wave of young Orioles, but there’s plenty of playing time on offer in 2023. Plenty time to beat up Grey too!” What? So, that was in 2023, clearly, and, well…Stowers hasn’t caught on, but NL-Onlyers could do worse than a flyer for what he can do with a job (finally). Seems like a platoon bat, at best.
Jake Burger – 2-for-5 and his 14th homer. After the game, Burger said, “Not sure where I’ll be after tomorrow’s trade deadline, but I’m sure–What? Why all of the weird faces?”
Dylan Carlson – Traded to the Rays. About to become a lights-out reliever.
Jeffrey Springs – 3 2/3 IP, 2 ER as he was activated. Ray, Springs, Kershaw, that rank.
Christopher Morel – 1-for-4, 2 runs and his 19th homer, hitting .199. Please let Cash believe Morel should be the Rays’ three-hole hitter. Please.
Lucas Sims – Traded to the Red Sox. The simulations were correct!
Luis Garcia – Traded to the Red Sox. Some teams I clearly understand their game plan. The Red Sox? I have no clue.
James Paxton – 4 1/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 4.52. Good to see a change of scenery didn’t change him.
Jorge Polanco – 2-for-4, 3 runs, 2 RBIs, and his 10th homer, 4th homer in six days. Hot schmotato alert!
Mark Canha – Traded to the Giants. Is it me or does Canha go from team that is selling to another team that is selling? Mark Can-has wins? No, apparently not.
Lawrence Butler – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 12th homer. He’ll be in this week’s Buy column, because he’s been in every one for the last five weeks. Column will be up on the Patreon later today.
Brent Rooker – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 26th homer. Also, in this game, Daz Cameron (1-for-2) hit his 5th homer and JJ Bleday (1-for-2) hit his 13th homer. Sigh. Yes, because I started Robbie Ray (4 1/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.82). You’d think those tight pants and the A’ss would’ve went easy on him.
Anthony Rendon – Hit the IL. Angels making deadline moves!
Mike Trout – Suffered a setback. Getting a terrible feeling that Trout is going to abruptly retire.
Hunter Strickland – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 3.06 as he got the save, while Ben Joyce (1 IP, 0 ER) worked the 8th. Before this game began, I concluded Joyce wasn’t getting saves because Ron Washington is Ron Washington. I was hoping we wouldn’t see it in the 1st game because I wanted people to get mad at me. I have a kink. So, I grabbed Strickland, but almost regretted it as soon as I did.
Alex Cobb – Traded to the Guards. “im not owned! im not owned!!” Giants continue to insist as they trade away Cobb. If you don’t get the reference, you’re better off. If you do, be online less.
Jose Ramirez – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 27th homer, 3rd homer in two games. JoJoRam heard all the chatter about Judge and Witt being co-MVPs, and wanted to be once again considered for something.
Josh Naylor – 1-for-4 and his 23rd homer. Yaylor!
Justin Steele – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.38. The Man of Steele goes from ace to turd faster than a speeding bullet.
Lucas Erceg – Traded to the Royals. McArthur was able to withstand the incoming Hunter Harvey, but how will he fare against Erceg? Will McArthur continue to be the worst closer in baseball, while now the Royals have shutdown 7th and 8th innings? Prolly.
Paul DeJong – Traded to the Royals. Can’t believe they’re making Bobby Witt Jr. a bench player, damn. Colonel Mustard at DH with the lead pipe! You know I think DeJong is nothing to Poupon.
Andrew Vaughn – 1-for-4 and his 13th homer, and 2nd homer in two games. If you’re seeking out Shite Sux hitters on waivers, I think you might have a few marbles percolating.
Jonathan Cannon – 7 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit, 3 walks, 2 Ks, ERA at 4.11. See, what I said for Vaughn, and replace ‘hitter’ with ‘pitcher.’
Paul Blackburn – Traded to the Mets. Blackburn is great if you’re trying to get innings and a reason to do a bad Scottish accent.
Sean Manaea – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 3.50. Ooh, that was a nice stream from me. “Ahem.” And you too Streamonator.
Mark Vientos – 1-for-3 and his 15th homer, hitting .285. I cannot believe how well he’s hitting still. He was rumored to be a .220 hitter.
David Festa – 5 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 6.98, in 68 pitches. I like to Festa, I like to party, I like to get down, but Baldelli is barely throwing him. Makes me super meh.
Andrew Chafin – Traded to the Rangers. Chafin gonna fit right in in the Texas heat.
Evan Carter – Unlikely to return this year. Has he seen Triston Casas?
Max Scherzer – 4 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.89. This feels like it’s headed to “Rangers are eliminated in early September, and Scherzer’s been shut down, clearly not himself all year.”
Michael McGreevy – Being called up by the Cards to start today. Mike (no relation) just told you to pick him up in his FAAB column. Itch has been oddly quiet on him. Not sure–[sees his MiLB stats] Oh, I see. I wouldn’t start McGreevy in an NL-Only league.
Tommy Pham – 1-for-2, 4 RBIs and his 6th homer, a grand slam on the first pitch he saw from Rangers’ new accoutrement, Cody Bradford (1 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.48), who came off the IL for the first time since April. Pham was pinch-hitting for Matt Carpenter, and I can think of better flyers until Pham is playing full-time. Like Eric Lindros.
Josh Bell – Traded to the DBacks. In related news, I wonder if I could acquire a Marlins player. Ugh, I don’t want to think about what this means for Christian Walker’s oblique, who was IL’d. DBacks said that there was good news on his oblique. Max Muncy had good news on his oblique on May 17th. Now that Bell has hit himself off his 1st half team, he can go back to being awful in the 2nd half. IYKYK:
Josh Bell’s stat page
2 Tms
2 Tms
2 Tms
2 Tms
2 Tms
2 Tms
2 Tms
2 Tms— Razzball (@Razzball) July 30, 2024
Eugenio Suarez – 4-for-6, 4 runs, 5 RBIs and his 14th, 15th, 16th homer. He has ten homers in July, and this might be the most shortchanged any hitter of three homers in a night has ever been in a Razzball blurb. Don’t do that shizz on trade deadline day next time.
Ryne Nelson – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.53. Was looking to stream a guy and was between Canning vs. the Suckies and Nelson and–Oh, you know which way I went! I’m an idiot. Streamonator hates Ryne’s next and I can’t say I trust him.
Austin Hays – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and a slam (4) and legs (2) Wonder how nice it felt for him to hit essentially an easy out in Camden go for a homer in Philly.
Gerrit Cole – Scratched with general body fatigue. [sees Phils on schedule] Um…I’m a weedy-bit tired.
Brett Phillips – Signed with the Yanks. The former Rays outfielder is back as a middle reliever throwing 97, which is, honestly, fun. Sincerely. It would be cool to see him succeed. I’m Big Oil because I’m all about BP.
Mark Leiter Jr. – Traded to the Yanks. Clearly, this trade was the Yanks calling Uncle.
Jazz Chisholm Jr. – 3-for-6, 2 runs, 5 RBIs and his 16th and 17th homer, and four homers now since he was traded. Jazz is such a different player when motivated. Also, somewhat related, it was revealed he was using Judge’s bat when he homered twice the other night. 30 years ago, the opposing manager would come on the field and ask to have the bat x-rayed. Managers used to be all about the shenanigans. The court jesters of baseball. They knew they didn’t really have real input on the game, so instead they’d run on the field drunk and scream about a bad call. A bygone era.
