In the least shocking thing if you were paying attention to anything to do with Spencer Torkelson, he was optioned to Triple-A. He had the 2nd lowest OPS in history for 1st basemen (.683), minimum 1200 PA. Yeah, things weren’t going great! Sad for the Comatose Tigers fan from 2020 who just woke, “Tork The Fork, baby, because he’s gonna eat! Am I right? Also, what’s this coh-veed thing?” Comatose Tigers fan, do you have four days for a catch-up? So, are all AL Central prospects cursed? Talk amongst yourselves. With that said, the Tigers called up Justyn-Henry Malloy, who has Adam one through 11 beat! In his top 100 prospects, Prospect Itch said, “A right-handed hitter at 6’1| 212 lbs, Malloy’s carrying trait might be his patience at the plate. He’s a corner-only defender with plus power and just enough contact ability to hold down a major league spot if he gets a long enough runway for his plate skills to settle in. He hit 23 home runs in 135 Triple-A games, slashing .277/.417/.474 with 110 walks (18%) and 152 strikeouts (24.9%). That line was 30 percent better than league average, which is basically where Malloy has lived at every level since being selected by Atlanta in the 6th round of the 2021 draft. Grey wouldn’t make it through two rounds with me.” Okay, what the heck, man? This year Malloy was 6/3/.255 in 149 ABs in Triple-A with a 26.8% K%, i.e., he’s gonna hit .220 with power. I’d grab him in 15-team mixed leagues to see what happens, but am waiting in shallower leagues. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Reese Olson – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 2.48. How is his ERA still that low? I mean, I get he’s been lucky, but it’s June! C’mon!
Cooper Criswell – 5 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.92. Got a picture of your house, you’re standing by door, it’s black and white and faded and looking pretty worn…Sorry, after Great White in the Manaea blurb, I put on a denim jacket and started listening to some Hair Bands.
Brayan Bello – 6 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 11 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.36. To paraphrase Brad Pitt in Moneyball, if Bello is a good pitcher, then why doesn’t he pitch good?
Vaughn Grissom – Headed to the IL with a hamstring strain. Dot dot dot. And he’s officially stale. I’m over it. Fool me once, you know the drill. Fool me fifteen times? C’mon, man, stop foolin’!
Jordan Romano – Hit the IL with elbow inflammation that he was dealing with at the start of the season, so he’s basically cooked. Now, if you’re like me, you’re thinking, “Cooked Romano? Like French Bread Pizza? I love that, but I must confess I burned the roof of my mouth once so bad that I needed my butt skin grafted onto the roof of my mouth and now I am a world leader in shit talking.” I hear that, but I don’t think ‘cooked Romano’ is good in this scenario. Maybe he can rest for a month and return, but how does a closer have an elbow issue and just rest and recover? Not to answer, but to say, “Damn, Grey making points!” I would grab Yimi Garcia (1 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 1.57, and his 3rd save), but Chad Green (1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 1.69) is likely in the mix too. Though, he pitched the 6th inning yesterday. This is assuming everyone stays away from a fresh-out-of-the-oven French Bread pizza.
Yusei Kikuchi – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.66. Regression Fairies are coming hot and heavy while saying Kikuchi and tickling you.
Mitch Keller – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.42. Since the month of April, Keller has been Cy Young.
Kyle Bradish – 2 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.18. Did MLB introduce a new ball in June?
Cole Irvin – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 1 K, ERA at 2.84. [reading a sign on the highway] If you rostered Jake and Cole Irvin instead of Pablo Lopez and Blake Snell, you’d be home by now (instead of on the way to jail for murder).
Gunnar Henderson – 3-for-3, 2 runs and a slam (19) and legs (8), hitting .268. Ya know what’s interesting, offense is down. It doesn’t just feel down. It is down. But there’s about 25% of hitters who are absolutely killing it — Gunnar’s on pace for like a 50/25 season — then you have 75% of the hitters who just suck. Aaron Judge? On pace for 60 homers. Randy Arozarena? Due back from the 60-day IL–scratch that, reading here he’s been playing.
Taj Bradley – 3 1/3 IP, 9 ER, ERA at 5.81. Be careful for your twigs and berries, pitchers are getting their balls hit.
Jose Caballero – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 3rd homer, hitting .260. Just went to look at Caballero on the Player Rater. Was around 100 overall, expected him higher. Ceddanne Rafaela was higher, prior to yesterday.
Sean Manaea – 5 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.63. Streamonator likes his next one, but I’m kinda once bitten, twice shy, Great White.
Reed Garrett – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 3.00. Sigh, there’s no Mets closer. If they’re going to lose 100 games and not have an assigned closer, having any Mets reliever feels like a waste.
Ketel Marte – 3-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 11th and 12th homer. Pray tell, it’s Ketel.
Lourdes Gurriel Jr. – 1-for-5 and his 7th homer. More like Lourdes Gurriel Hr.
Jackson Chourio – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .214. He’s been so cold, instead of Jackson, call him Jacksoff–Wait, maybe not.
Freddy Peralta – 5 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.74. Is it me or does FreddyKBB pitch well vs. good teams and terrible vs. bad teams? (Was shooting from the hip, but just did a gut check and looked at his game log. I’m sorta right. Three iffy starts vs. White Sox, Astros and Pirates. Not exclusively though, he did have a good start vs. Marlins.)
Robert Gasser – 5 IP, 3 ER, 7 hits, zero walks, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.57 vs. Garrett Crochet – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.49. This matchup was billed as, “Crochet/Gasser or simply Grandma farted.”
Andrew Benintendi – Hit the IL with Achilles tendinitis. Shame because he was chasing some modern-day records, like lowest OPS ever.
Paul DeJong – 1-for-2, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, and 2nd homer in three games. Colonel Mustard in the Apple Store with Vision Pro goggles! By the by, when Treat Urner went down, I plugged DeJong into my MI slot and got six homers in the last month.
Joe Ryan – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.38. He had a miserable 2nd half last year, and I really don’t want that to become a thing, but I am absolutely keeping my eye open for the bottoming out.
Trevor Larnach – 1-for-3, and his 6th homer, and 2nd homer in the last two games, and 3rd homer in the 4th game, as he hits leadoff. Hot schmotato alert, sure, but he’s still subject to Baldelli’s inability to play a guy every day. Twins’ top three hitters are Larnach, Jeffers (0-for-3) and Jose Miranda (2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer). Two of the three are platoon bats, and Jeffers is a catcher.
Edouard Julien – Appears headed to the minors. He was receiving hugs and handshakes in the clubhouse. Maybe they’re just handsy. Who knows.
Alex Bregman – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer, and 2nd homer in three games, third homer in the last four games, 4th homer in the last week, and 8th homer–Well, you know.
Casey Schmitt – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer, and his 2nd homer in as many games. “That’s two balls that have gone deep.” That’s someone seeing Schmitt in his Fanatics uniform.
Heliot Ramos – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 3rd homer, as he hits leadoff, and Matos moved to the six-hole. Though, Wisely hit 2nd, Wilmer hit third and, what I’m saying, Giants’ lineup has no rhyme or reason.
Blake Snell – 4 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 9.51. Left the game with the trainer. Maybe the trainer has him on his fantasy team? Oh, I see, he’s headed to the IL re-injuring his groin. Yeah, sad stuff. Anyway…
Camilo Doval – 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.24. Not the best year to go after top closers!
Juan Soto – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 16th and 17th homer, hitting .322. Sorta wild every team doesn’t pitch around Sexy Dr. Pepper and Judge every single time.
Chris Sale – 4 IP, 8 ER, ERA at 3.06. This start was vs. the A’ss at home. Let me paint a pitcher. [throws red paint on Sale] SHAME!
Charlie Morton – 6 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 5 BBs, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.88. Five walks in six innings? You’re doing a bit when pitching well for ERA, and still pitching like garbage.
Zack Gelof – 1-for-4 and his 4th homer, hitting .182. Yo, he sucks so bad, but could he possibly suck this bad? I don’t know. Maybe he can come out of this a little. I mean, I hate him, but c’mon.
Luis Medina – 5 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks, as he was activated from the IL. He has a 5.42 career ERA. Oh…[climbs to the top of the Empire State Building]…kay.
Reid Detmers – 3 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 6.14, as he was sent down to the minors. His xFIP says he should be much better but Ron Washington said, “What in the living f*ck is xFIP?”
Luke Raley – 1-for-2, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, 2nd homer in as many games. He was in Friday’s Buy column. Raley? Yes, Raley!
Luis Castillo – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.99 vs. Griffin Canning – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.69. Hey, one love, but both of these teams’ lineups looks like crizzap.
Ranger Suarez – Left Saturday’s game with a left hand contusion after being hit by a comebacker. You might’ve heard about it because on every TV station there was a ticker along the bottom of the screen reading, “Nooooooooooooooooooooooo,” said Grey Albright, Fantasy Master Lothario (don’t abbreviate it). Supposedly, he’s fine and might just miss one start. We need a prayer hexagon immediately.
Nolan Gorman – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 11th homer, and 3rd homer in the last five games, on pace for 30 homers and do you really have a better option at MI?
Alec Burleson – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer. I don’t mind Winn, I like Gorman, but Burleson’s the most interesting to me in the Cards’ lineup. Maybe not the most good (I speak most good English!), but most interesting.
Lance Lynn – 4 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 3.23. Streamonator actually likes his next start, and I seriously considered picking him up. Didn’t. But considered it!
Mookie Betts – 1-for-4 and his 9th homer, hitting .318. Mookie Best!
Freddie Freeman – 1-for-1, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (7) and legs (2), hitting .293. Would still be selling Freeman based on name value.
Gavin Stone – 5 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.90. Ks haven’t been there this year so far, but I kinda feel like a 2.90 ERA gives a guy a pass. Not a Moviepass, though.
Ryan Weathers – 6 IP, 4 ER, 9 hits, zero walks, 11 Ks, ERA at 3.41. Like a stripper in a Law & Order episode, he got singled to death.
Sixto Sanchez – Hit the IL with shoulder inflammation. No word when it happened, but might’ve hurt himself reaching for that second dessert.
Adolis Garcia – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer, hitting .231. We do love Adolis, so don’t take this the wrong way, but a .285 OBP seems a skosh low.
Andrew Heaney – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.99. If Heaney has a million haters, I’m one of them. If he has one hater, I’m that one. If he has no haters, I’m dead.
TJ Friedl – 1-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer, hitting .167. I’d grab him now and not wait to see if this is the start of something. Friedl can be a top 30 OF, if he’s healthy.
Nick Lodolo – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.11. Not sure if I can ever shake the feeling a blow up is right around the corner with Lodolo, but LodoYOLO.
Ben Brown – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.33. Throwing a no hitter last time out to rope people in is some cold, cold, shizz.
Jake Irvin – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.39. As I write this up, I have multiple bids in to get Irvin in 15-team leagues. By the time you read this, I will know if I got him or not. Whoa, you’re, like, in the future. Can you tell me a stock to invest in? Hello? Can you hear me? So, Irvin has a 1.6 BB/9. The Ks aren’t amazing, but anyone plays with that good of command.
Ben Lively – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.84. No idea how long this is going to last, but I picked up Lively in one league at the start of May, the month where he had a 3.07 ERA and 24 Ks in 29 1/3 IP. He had a 2.30 ERA in April, for what it’s Cronenworth. None of it is really backed up by facts, but Streamonator says he gets Marlins next, and that doesn’t sound bad to me.
Michael Wacha – Hit the IL with a fractured foot. He was seen in a walking boot, though that’s due to unpaid parking tickets.
Alec Marsh – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.76. The good thing about all this regression hitting everywhere this weekend is your family had time off to comfort you while you sobbed.
Cole Ragans – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.21 vs. Michael King – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.82. This matchup was billed as, “Mike King/Cole singing Uh-fuhgeddaboudit, Nat’s Italian grandson singing while a video of his grandfather.”
Joe Musgrove – Hit the IL with elbow inflammation. Out of nowhere, no one could’ve seen it coming.
Yu Darvish – Hit the IL with a groin strain. Hey, wait a second…Musgrove had a sore elbow and Darvish had a sore groin and…It is Pride Month.
